YCombinator Girlfriends

Good afternoon LPs,

After a week of battling illness I’m nearly recovered. I’d like to credit my recovery to lots of ginger tea, Dayquil, and daily blood transfusions from my unpaid intern Jeff. P.S. Jeff - missing a quarter of your blood DOESN’T mean you can slack off

Here’s what we’re going to cover in today’s newsletter:

• “My CEO Fucked My Wife”

• CEO of Telegram Arrested

• YCombinator Girlfriends

Let’s get into it.

“My CEO Fucked My Wife”

Last week Ethan Evans, a VP at Amazon, posted the lessons he learned from his former CEO seducing his wife on LinkedIn and Twitter. 

Given that Evans has worked at Amazon for the last 15 years either this happened before or Jeff Bezos fucked his wife. 

People like Ethan are so fucking incapable of having a unique thought about business, that they have to scrap the bottom the barrel and LITERALLY draw connections to cucking to dish out ‘wisdom’ on social media. 

If America still gave lobotomies, these people would be first in line. 

CEO of Telegram Arrested

On Saturday August 24th Pavel Durov, CEO of messaging platform Telegram, was arrested by French Authorities for refusing to censor Telegram. 

Pavel is a fool. He should have known that the only way to create a billion dollar tech company is to collude with the government. 

Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Microsoft, and Facebook have all committed felonies but you don’t see their execs going to jail. 

That’s because they understand the carefully constructed rules of the game. You can get away with crime as long as you give away customer data or give the government free bombs.

With all that said, there’s a 30% chance I’ll have to take everything I just said back after it comes out that Durov is a pedophile.

YCombinator Girlfriends

Over the weekend VC CC Gong went viral for posting the above tweet detailing how much she supports her YC boyfriend. 

I had this read to me while meditating on the top of a mountain in my sensei's dojo and had an epiphany. I don’t know if it was ayahuasca or the mushrooms, but I realized that girlfriends are just unpaid interns. 

Think about it for a second. They get your coffee, they clean up for you, and they write your investor emails when you’re too high and busy playing Call of Duty. 

And after you exit your company for $200M they get nothing when you dump them for an Onlyfans model with a questionably racist tattoo on her thigh. (love you Tatiana) 

That’s why from now on I’m ONLY investing in founders with girlfriends, which will inevitably reduce my eligible investments to .0001% of all tech bros. 

And to the women & LGBTQ community offended by this: we both know you weren’t getting money anyway.

Memes

I’d watch this movie.

corporate.bro

654K followers

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This is shockingly accurate. The ‘we hire women’ part was my favorite.

tradedvc

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Lmao this dudes schedule is easier than a VC.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. I have an annual tradition of looking out the window and listening to the album August & Everything After. Given that it’s the last week of August, you should too.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital