Yasssss Queen

Good afternoon LPs,

If I see another post about “Founder Mode” I’m going to throw myself into a woodchipper. Every couple of months a tech billionaire coins a new term and then tech bros parrot it until I want to move to rural China. Hopefully this trend dies down or the next time you’ll hear from me I’ll be in Zhouzhuang. Anyway, here’s what we talk about in today’s newsletter:

• Donald Trump Beefs With Taylor Swift

• YCombinator Moves to 4 Batches Per Year

Let’s get into it.

Donald Trump Beefs With Taylor Swift

On Sunday Trump posted on Truth Social, “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT” following her endorsement of Kamala Harris.

It’s one thing to take away women's reproductive rights, but it’s another thing to trash their lord and savior. 

Trash talking Taylor Swift is more dangerous than painting an image of the Muslim prophet Muhammad. 

The wrath of one 26 year old woman & her detective level internet sleuthing abilities was enough to destroy my badminton career (please take me back Jessica). But the wrath of 500 million 20 something year old yassss queens is political suicide. 

Don’t believe me? The same day Trump attacked TSwizzle, someone attempted to assassinate him a second time. Coincidence? I think not. 

This was surprising because the typical way that a swiftie kills someone is by talking about the depth of her 4th album until you blow your own head off. 

Taylor Swift is subconsciously engineering an army of assassins. Think about it. Fans wear disguises, manage budgets to complete operations (sneaking into the Eras tour in Italy), and traveling internationally to see shows. 

From one rich person to another, Trump I recommend you stay away from every woman age 20-30. 

You Don’t Need a Meme to Tell You Your Startup’s Struggling

Time for a shameless plug

Most startups know more about Elon Musk’s shitposts than they do their own companies' data. And that’s a problem, because your company’s gonna explode like a v1 SpaceX rocket if you don’t understand your data. But that’s where my friends at Strike Analytics come in. 

Strike analyzes your customers' data for you better than your math genius cousin who’s probably got a touch of the tism’. 

Here’s what Strike does:

• Untangle your data chaos (faster than your last pivot)

• Find the gaps before your revenue ghostwrites itself

• Help you fix it, before your CTO takes a job at Google

In fact I’m using Strike right now to analyze why I’ve gotten zero conversions to my new direct to consumer assless chaps brand. Apparently, it’s the chaffing. 

So before your company goes bankrupt & you move into a cardboard box, try Strike today for free. 

YCombinator Moves to 4 Batches Per Year

Late last week startup accelerator YCombinator announced it will increase its frequency from 2 to 4 batches of startups per year. 

This is great news because twice a year I fly to SF for YC demo day & dress up in a pink seersucker suit to bet on companies like horses at the Kentucky derby. Last year I got so rowdy I nearly fought Paul Graham. Now I have 2 more reasons to get dressed up & act like a drunken buffoon. 

Last year 500 startups were accepted into YC and according to our estimates that number will increase to 125,000. 

YC is monopolizing the early stage tech industry faster than a fat kid monopolizes the cookies at a 6th grade birthday party (I’m talking about you Mark). 

Jabroni Capital couldn’t be happier about this. 69% of the companies we fund are unprofitable AI startups that were spun out of YC. With 4 batches a year we can easily get this number to 99%. 

Memes

Who the fuck drinks cow milk these days??

jabronicap

View more on Instagram

Every time I fire an employee I treat myself to a 6 week vacation.

Jason is my spirit animal.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. This is what I listen to when one of my companies raises $1B a year before their CEO is arrested for fraud.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital