Warren Buffett is Broke

Good morning LPs,

In today’s newsletter I’m gonna break down what’s happening in tech news. Here’s what we cover:

• Berkshire Hathaway Down 99.97%

• VC Cringe on Hinge

• Adam Neumann Buys Surf Magazine

Berkshire Hathaway Down 99.97%

The legendary investment firm Berkshire Hathaway is down 99.97% today. I hate to say I told you so, but I called this months ago. 

This is the single worst day for middle-aged financial advisors since 9/11. I can only imagine how many dudes with receding hairlines woke up today, checked the market, and proceeded to fling themselves off of a modest condo rooftop. 

As they fell they probably realized this was just a glitch in the stock market.

VC Cringe on Hinge

Last week VC brags tried to cancel me for trying an innovative way to invest in more female founders. 

Last year my largest LP, Liberty University’s endowment fund, mandated that Jabroni Capital increase the percentage of female founders we invest in from 2.1% to 2.3%. 

According to our reports, a16z and Sequoia have been sourcing female founders at the following places: 

• Equinox prenatal yoga classes 

• Soho house wine nights 

• Romance Novel Book clubs

I thought this was a breach of trust, so that’s why I’ve resorted to Hinge. Because at Jabroni Capital, we believe in women (not all women) and their right to choose (not all choices). 

Adam Neumann Buys Surf Magazine

In an absolutely insane turn of events, Adam Neumann the billionaire former CEO of WeWork purchased a niche Surf magazine called WhaleBone. 

Everytime a tech billionaire buys a business, the industry assumes there’s some deeper meaning and genius business strategy behind it. But as a fellow rich person let me tell you: we get high and make bone headed purchases too. 

Last year I took Ayahuasca at Joshua tree and thought it would be a great idea to buy a Crystals Healing Magazine. That was $38M oopsie, which was almost as painful as my hangover the next morning.

On an unrelated note, Jabroni Capital is offering a 32% discount on Topaz healing rings and jade Bow Ties.

Memes

We just hired this kid as our latest analyst!

Canva actually asked me to be the lead in their musical, but I declined because musicals are for poor people. Had they hosted an Opera, I would have said yes.

Run unpaid intern Jeff, run!

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the week. This is what I listen to when I’m drinking overpriced sparkling water & coffee in Bushwick:

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital