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Warren Buffett is Broke
We cover Berkshire Hathaway drama, VCs being cringe, & Adam Neumann's latest stunt
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Good morning LPs,
In today’s newsletter I’m gonna break down what’s happening in tech news. Here’s what we cover:
Berkshire Hathaway Down 99.97%
VC Cringe on Hinge
Adam Neumann Buys Surf Magazine
Berkshire Hathaway Down 99.97%
The legendary investment firm Berkshire Hathaway is down 99.97% today. I hate to say I told you so, but I called this months ago.
I definitely tweeted this months ago
This is the single worst day for middle-aged financial advisors since 9/11. I can only imagine how many dudes with receding hairlines woke up today, checked the market, and proceeded to fling themselves off of a modest condo rooftop.
As they fell they probably realized this was just a glitch in the stock market.
VC Cringe on Hinge
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Last week VC brags tried to cancel me for trying an innovative way to invest in more female founders.
Last year my largest LP, Liberty University’s endowment fund, mandated that Jabroni Capital increase the percentage of female founders we invest in from 2.1% to 2.3%.
According to our reports, a16z and Sequoia have been sourcing female founders at the following places:
Equinox prenatal yoga classes
Soho house wine nights
Romance Novel Book clubs
I thought this was a breach of trust, so that’s why I’ve resorted to Hinge. Because at Jabroni Capital, we believe in women (not all women) and their right to choose (not all choices).
Adam Neumann Buys Surf Magazine
Domination is always the endgame. @SammBlum
— Inc. (@Inc)
12:00 PM • May 30, 2024
In an absolutely insane turn of events, Adam Neumann the billionaire former CEO of WeWork purchased a niche Surf magazine called WhaleBone.
Everytime a tech billionaire buys a business, the industry assumes there’s some deeper meaning and genius business strategy behind it. But as a fellow rich person let me tell you: we get high and make bone headed purchases too.
Last year I took Ayahuasca at Joshua tree and thought it would be a great idea to buy a Crystals Healing Magazine. That was $38M oopsie, which was almost as painful as my hangover the next morning.
On an unrelated note, Jabroni Capital is offering a 32% discount on Topaz healing rings and jade Bow Ties.
Memes
We just hired this kid as our latest analyst!
Just canceled my Canva subscription
— Chris Bakke (@ChrisJBakke)
2:29 AM • May 26, 2024
Canva actually asked me to be the lead in their musical, but I declined because musicals are for poor people. Had they hosted an Opera, I would have said yes.
Investors when they see an opportunity to buy SpaceX, OpenAI, or Stripe secondaries
— litquidity (@litcapital)
5:03 PM • May 31, 2024
Run unpaid intern Jeff, run!
Song of the Day
Here’s the song of the week. This is what I listen to when I’m drinking overpriced sparkling water & coffee in Bushwick:
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me literally drinking over priced coffee/water in Bushwick
I’d love your feedback on how you liked the newsletter today :)
How was the newsletter today? |
That’s all for this week folks,
Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital
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