Trump vs Musk

Good afternoon LPs,

It’s currently NYC tech week, which means I’m doing my best to avoid going out in public. Nothing scares me more than an awkward, autistic, tech founder trying to pitch me on their AI company.

Anyway let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Ukrainian drone swarm destroys $7 billion worth of Russian military assets. “We took great precaution to not harm any hot blonde women.” says President Zelenskyy. (NBC)

Family of Terrorist Attack suspect in Boulder potentially facing deportation. Trump says “They get a fast pass, like the ones at DisneyWorld which used to be a nice place, to the front of the deportation line.” (USA Today)

Mossad deploys Greta Thunberg to Gaza in Psyop meant to induce suicide amongst top Hamas leaders. “Once she starts talking, she isn’t stopping. We expect a high ROI for this operation.” comments Netanyahu (CNN)

The Big Beautiful Bill

On May 22nd the U.S. The House of Representatives passed the OBBB act also known as the One Big Beautiful Bill and people have been going crazy over it. 

In a shocking turn of events Republicans are mad at the bill even though they all voted to pass it. What’s not surprising if you’ve been following American politics for the last 5 years, is that none of these politicians read the fucking bill. I’m serious. 

Marjorie Taylor Greene, aka Q-Anon fembot, tweeted that she didn’t know that the bill included a section that forbids states from regulating AI for 10 years. In fairness I would be scared if I were her too, because if AI took her job it would definitely have read the bill. 

This bill was the governmental equivalent of when your high school math teacher gives you a test with long instructions that no one reads, but clearly states that if you just answer B to every question you’ll get a 100. Unfortunately congress scored an average of 42/100 on the exam.

So how is this bill affecting Americans? (For the record, nothing congress does affects me because I’m rich). But let’s break it down anyway: 

• A $664 billion tax cut for the top 1% - awesome. 

• Increasing national forest logging by 25% - trees have totaled 3 of my last 4 Range Rovers, so this is a win in my book. 

• Reducing Medicaid funding by $1 trillion - fingers crossed my bitch ass mother in-law loses a foot to diabetes.

• Cuts food assistance to 4 million children - maybe these lazy kids will get a job now.

• Forbids state regulation of AI for 10 years - they definitely used Chat GPT to write this bill, and it snuck this in. 

Obviously the big question is, what does this mean for the average American? Neither me or congress knows, because we’re not the average American. We’re the elite. I went to a party in D.C. a couple months ago and the poorest person there was Bernie Sanders and he’s worth $3M. 

Reality is, it’s not the wealthy elite's job to know what the needs of the people are. It’s the people's job to become part of the wealthy elite so they forget the needs of the poor and eventually start voting republican. My dad did it, his dad did it, and eventually if you’re lucky someday you’ll do it too.

Get Jabroni Capital to Grow Your LinkedIn

Time for a shameless plug

Everyone wants to be one of those entrepreneurs that posts brain dead content on LinkedIn that drives a shit ton of revenue.

The only problem is that most founders suck at content & don’t have the time to grow. That’s where Jabroni Capital comes in.

Starting this month we’re helping 4 clients grow on LinkedIn.

Me and the team at Jabroni Capital will help you make LinkedIn content that will:

- Make you sound knowledgeable without sounding like a try hard.

- Build a cult following & drive sales for your company.

- Get people to send your posts to friends and say, “Finally someone said it.”

This year alone we’ve used LinkedIn to get 40 million+ impressions & drive hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of revenue.

So if you're interested in building a brand that grows your business, sign up below:

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter. Shout to Vivek for referring the most subs this week!

Memes

jabronicap

18K followers

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This is me next time someone tries to pitch me at a tech event.

jabronicap

18K followers

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This is what love at first sight looks like.

corporate.bro

798K followers

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Like clockwork every week.

Song of the Day

Sometimes I hear a song and I instantly know it will be perfect for a run. Kathleen by Catfish and the Bottlemen is one of those songs. I’ve probably listened to this 100 times when I’m like 5-6 miles deep into a run through the streets of Brooklyn. If you want something upbeat to work out to, give this a listen.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital