Tech Bros Safe Word = AI

Good afternoon LPs,

Let me break down what the fuck is happening in tech through tweets. Here’s what we cover:

• OpenAI Is In trouble w/ Scarlet Johansson

• French AI Startup With Dumb Name Raises $220M Seed Round

• Microsoft Will Record EVERYTHING You Do On Your Computer

Let’s get into it.

OpenAI Is In trouble w/ Scarlet Johansson

OpenAI is under fire again this week after they reportedly used Scarlet Johansson's voice for their AI assistant, Sky. Sam Altman defended the company's actions, stating, “I had no idea, all women sound the same to me”. 

The Jabroni Capital team finds this wildly offensive. Last year before I resigned from my board position at OpenAI, I recommended the company hire Tyler Perry to voice Sky. 

Unfortunately, their top engineers couldn’t get Sky to stop saying, ‘Hell to the no’ and ‘Oh lordie, I can’t even’.

French AI Startup With Dumb Name Raises $220M Seed Round

I’m sure you uncultured fucks who read the newsletter don’t know this, but in France they don’t pronounce the letter H. Which means these Baguette loving tech dorks gave their own company NO NAME and proceeded to raise a $220M seed round from billionaires and venture capitalists.

If these frog eating cowards can raise $220M for a 1 letter AI startup. Then if I name my next startup after the longest word in the dictionary, ‘pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis’ we’ll raise $9.9B in our first round of funding. 

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Microsoft Records EVERYTHING You Do On Your Computer

Microsoft announced that their AI copilot will automatically record and ‘recall’ EVERYTHING that users do on their laptop. 

I should have known that when Bill Gates called Microsoft's operating system Windows, his ultimate goal was to literally watch people jerk off. 

On an unrelated note, I’ve thrown my laptop in the ocean & have downgraded to using scrolls & quills. If you want to reach me, you can send a carrier pigeon to my unpaid intern Jeff.

Memes

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. This song is both incredible and the title is another signature Tyler Perry catchphrase.

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital