Taylor Swift Wins The Super Bowl

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Taylor Swift Wins The Super Bowl

Good morning LPs,

I hope you all enjoyed the Super Bowl yesterday, I of course did not watch because I was too busy watching the Taylor Swift movie & furiously taking notes.

Say what you will about her music, but T Swift is a hell of a business woman. I’ve never seen someone who flies private & makes billions a year but isn’t universally hated by 15 year old girls. If I don’t pay for dinner when I’m out with my rich friends, I won’t hear the end of it. Meanwhile Taylor gets her broke ass fans to pay $1,500 to see her concert 50 rows back. She has more devout followers than Kim Jong Un.

I predict that by 2026 Taylor Swift will take over the United States as Supreme Overlord. For rich tech bros like me, this is obviously a concern. Tech bros & Swifties mix about as well as oil & water. When Tay-Tay takes over the country, VCs will be the among the first to be sentenced to forced labor camps where we’ll manufacture posters & t-shirts.

That’s why I’ve begun sending her weekly fruit baskets & I’m in talks with her management team to launch a VC fund that only backs Swiftie’s. If we our play cards right, Jabroni Capital may be able to buy our way into her inner circle before it’s too late.

Elon Musk Sues Disney

In a wild turn of events, Elon Musk has backed Gina Carano’s lawsuit against Disney. If I had known I could have gotten people richer than me to fund my lawsuits, I’d be waging war against an endless number of companies.

Below is a list of companies I will be suing with Elon Musks help:

• Lamborghini - for making an SUV instead of 2 door race cars

• Lululemon - for sending me a 2 pack of underwear, instead of 3

• Ferrari - for the same reason as Lamborghini

• Netflix - for cancelling Mind Hunters (easily their best show)

• Le Creuset - I love my dutch oven, but how dare you make me spend $500

Fundraising Coaching

Shameless plug time before more fun.

Aside from making VCs cry on LinkedIn, my full time gig is helping early stage startup founders raise money.

I help early stage founders make pitch decks VCs will actually read, book more meetings, & close rounds faster. If you’re an early stage founder looking to get help raising money, let’s chat :)

Memes

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital