"Startups Are Hard"

Good morning LPs,

This has been our best week of newsletter growth ever. To celebrate, I’m flying out to SF where I’ll personally hand out rejection letters to founders who’ve been waiting to from me for 4 months. Anyway, here’s what we cover in today’s newsletter:

• US Home Prices Hit All-Time-High

• Donald Trump Launches NFT Trading Cards

• Googlers Discover Startups are Hard

Let’s get into it.

p.s. follow Jabroni Capital on Instagram for daily memes

US Home Prices Hit All-Time-High

Earlier this week The Kobeissi Letter reported that U.S. home prices have hit a record high and are ‘100% higher than the 130 year average’. 

I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about seeing as I just bought my 4th vacation home in Hawaii for a measly $5.8M. It came with a pool, sauna, and was built using the bones of local Hawaiians who could no longer afford Spam. 

It seems home prices in the U.S. are a lot like an exclusive pool club in Los Angeles. At first every D list celebrity who was on 2 seasons of Dawson’s Creek can afford to join. But then a bunch of Arab, Russian, and Chinese billionaires get wind of the cool kids club and membership fees are jacked up 200%.

Soon washed up actors have to choose between giving up their membership or getting a Mickey Mouse neck tattoo and selling feet pics on OnlyFans. 

This is the American Dream.

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Donald Trump Launches NFT Trading Cards

On Tuesday August 27th president Donald Trump announced that he was launching Trump themed NFT trading cards. 

According to our reports these cards will function a lot like Yu-Gi-Oh and will allow card holders to battle one another instead of having a normal conversation with a woman. 

This is a brilliant move by the Trump campaign to win the black nerd vote. The only thing black people love more than Kendrick and menthol cigarettes is anime and trading card games. 

Ironically the only thing that racist incels love more than guns and conspiracies is anime & trading card games. 

By our estimates this could easily net $1.2 trillion in revenue which is almost as much as an inflation adjusted Taylor Swift ticket will cost in 2035. 

Googlers Discover Startups are Hard

On Monday tech news outlet The Information published that ex-Googlers who had quit their jobs to start AI companies are discovering that ‘startups are hard’. 

In fairness, building a company is hard when you’ve been getting paid $584k a year to play office ping pong and write code 6 hours/week. 

One Googler reported frustration stating, “I thought I could google how to build an AI company, but the search results only showed me how to sell meth on market street”. 

The other day an ex-Googler was pitching me their AI startup and said the only thing harder than building a company was getting an erection after 40 mg of Adderall and 8 red bulls. 

I empathize with these Googlers, because when I started my last company my dad took me aside at thanksgiving and said, “I would rather tell people you’re transitioning genders than you’re transitioning from a job at google to an NFT beanie baby trading company”. 

Memes

jabronicap

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Every day our meme page grows more powerful.

This is biggest innovation happening outside SF & NYC, but mid western founders still wonder why they aren’t getting funding.

corporate.sween

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I’m hiring this guy to be our new Head of HR.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. This is what I listen to when I take too much ketamine and suddenly feel like I’m riding a dragon in the Lord of the Rings.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital