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Shocking Discovery: Google is a Business Not a Non-Profit

Jabroni weighs in on Google employees getting arrested last week

Welcome to the 75 Jabroni’s who became LPs since the last issue. If you haven’t subscribed yet, I’ll sign you up for Scientology seminars.

Google is a Business

Good afternoon LPs,

Last week 9 Google employees were fired & arrested for staging a sit-in protest in support of Palestine. While this was breaking news for many of you, I happened to be a man on the inside.

According to our reports, none of these protesters have gotten laid in the past 36 months

Aside from running Jabroni Capital, I have a couple side gigs that you all probably don’t know about. On Tuesday’s I run a rocking Pilates class at the Upper West Side Equinox, that job is just for me. More relevant to today’s topic, I’m on retainer for big tech companies like Google who call me in whenever they need to deal with employees with an iron fist.

Google CEO Sundar Pichai called me on Tuesday of last week to say that this employee behavior was unacceptable stating, ‘this is a business’. While I was surprised that Google still thought of themselves as a business, and not an extension of the global shadow government. I was not surprised to hear that employees were being unruly, this is something I’m quite familiar with.

Last week when my unpaid intern Jeff gave me a mocha-latte instead of a Frappuccino like I asked for, I immediately notified the authorities. I explained to Sundar, that if Jeff can spend a night in the drunk tank for messing up my coffee order, then google employees staging a coup can go straight to the gulag. Now unfortunately Gulags don’t exist in America. So his next best option was a SF or NYC jailcell filled with fentanyl addicts & violent migrants.

Unfortunately for many large businesses (but not unfortunate for my side hustle), employees have forgotten that they had the option of working for UNICEF for $48k, but instead they chose to work for big tech for $280k/year. I find myself saying this to people a lot these days: you can’t eat your cake and have it too. You can either save the world and be poor. Or work on a widget for a demon corporation that sucks money from the poor but makes you rich.

POV: me reminiscing about all of the lives I destroyed at this week

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Memes

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital

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