OpenAI Is Losing The AI War

Good morning LPs,

It’s the week of 4th of July & ‘, preparing for the holiday by doing the most American thing I can think of: chain-smoking cigarettes & listening to the All in Podcast. Here’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s newsletter:

• Robot Cats & Dogs Combat Loneliness

• Consultants Are Winning The AI War

• Presidential Debate From Hell

Let’s get into it.

Robot Cats & Dogs Combat Loneliness

Loneliness has gotten so bad in America that, ‘New York has sent out thousands of robots in a bid to keep older adults engaged’ - Tech Crunch.

You know things are in dire straits when the only thing we can do to cheer up elderly people is send them a Tamagotchi. 

Personally I think NY is misspending tax payer money. If I were Governor, I’d send every person over the age of 65 their own emotional support migrant. 

Not only would this give hundreds of thousands of unemployed immigrants jobs, but it would also give them free housing & access to a treasure trove of stale hard candy.

Consultants Are Winning The AI War

News broke last week, that the company making the most money on Artificial Intelligence wasn’t OpenAI, but the consulting mega-corp Accenture.

After a long talk with my coke dealer, I realized my biggest mistake was going into VC instead of starting my own sham consultancy like Hunter Biden.

Every week some 54-year-old hedge fund manager that likes to get tied up & whipped by a dominatrix, asks their team, ‘how can we profit off AI’. Then they hire Accenture for $8 million dollars only to be told to purchase Nvidia.

If I had known I could smoke crack and tell other people how to implement chat gpt for billions dollars, I wouldn’t be talking to brain dead 24 year old web3 founders.

Presidential Debate From Hell

Last week Trump & Biden had their first presidential debate. It was like watching a nuclear reactor meltdown and you live next door. 

The world watched in horror as Biden showed clear signs of dementia & Trump did what he does best, lie.

In Biden’s defense, he performed better than when I’m 22 drinks deep in an alley in the East Village trying to convince a self-proclaimed socialist who works at Blackrock to go home with me. 

I was so inspired by the debate that I mortgaged my SoHo loft to buy stock in Eli Lilly, the top dementia drug manufacturer. When the next debate in September is brought to you by ‘Brexpiprazole’ I’ll be a billionaire.

Memes

Me and my boyz when we run out of substances.

corporate.sween

View more on Instagram

I knew LGBTQ stood for something else.

My mom after I got a 68/100 on my 6th grade math test.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. This is what I listened to this weekend while my friends and I shot BB guns & drank vodka cranberries.

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital