Like a Rich Kid in Vegas

Good afternoon LPs,

I received the news about Trump after 12 hours being off my phone high on mushrooms on an estate in Connecticut. I gotta admit, that was weird timing. Anyway, here’s what we cover in today’s newsletter:

• Elon Musk Endorses Trump

• VC Announces Innovative New Fund

• VCs Are Celebrities

P.S. Jabroni Capital is now on Instagram. Follow us for content we would get banned on LinkedIn for sharing.

Let’s get into it.

Elon Musk Endorses Donald Trump

This past weekend former president, Donald Trump, was almost assassinated and immediately after Elon Musk endorsed him. 

Musk’s post endorsing Trump was like when a VC who’s been ignoring your texts for 3 months sees a post about your startup hitting $10M in ARR, and retweets it saying they’ve always believed in you. 

On Sunday after the incident I woke up from a fever dream in my $3,000 Egyptian silk sheets next to two ‘paid friends’ & had a realization. VCs approval ratings are at all time low amongst founders. 

That’s why Jabroni Capital is launching a service for fake assassinations to help VCs gather sympathy. 

If you’d like to trial our new service, shoot us an email [email protected] (hopefully it ‘hits’ our inbox).

I’m hosting a Webinar

This Wednesday at 2:30PM EST I'm hosting a webinar on how I wrote cold outreach to raise $2.3M

I won't lie, cold outreach is always painful & will make anyone want to walk into a lake. But it's necessary, so you might as well do it right.

I'll share a couple tactics & offer live Q&A to help you book meetings cold .

These tactics:

- Will help you get investors attention

- Increase the likelihood VCs will respond

- Help you get more meetings

VC Announces Innovative New Fund

I’m excited to announce Jabroni Capital fund II. We are a low conviction fund that aims to work with the founders with the worst track records in the industry. 

This fund was several days in the making. I’m grateful for the Russian oligarchs and Bangladeshi sweatshops that made this possible. 

At its core Venture Capital is like a rich kid in Vegas. We gamble our parents' money at the craps table, bet it all on black, and when we lose it we call our dad asking for more money. 

We’re looking to support entrepreneurs starting businesses on ‘edges of the internet’ aka the dark web. 

Once they release the names of people listed in Jeffrey’s Epstein's black book, I’m confident we’ll find everyone who’s a good fit for our fund. 

If this sounds like you, let’s connect at [email protected]

VCs Are Celebrities

This week a VC was put on blast for posting that she was recognized on a flight back from SF. 

This is like going back to the bar in the West Village I get blackout drunk at every night, and being surprised that the bartender I’ve tipped $2,453 recognizes me. 

The only thing that could surprise people is that I’m not hammered singing My Chemical Romance poorly at 3am. 

Memes

corporate.bro

View more on Instagram

I swear I’m special 😢.

This is who manages my crypto portfolio.

These memes are 10/10.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. Over the weekend, some guy was blasting this on the streets of NYC and I suddenly found myself dancing on a crowded West Village block.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital