Jabroni Capital's Little Black Book

2024 is here and Jabroni Capital has somehow avoided getting wrapped up in the latest scandal

Welcome to the Jabroni’s who became LPs since the last issue. If you haven’t subscribed yet, I’ll pay the CIA to write your name in Jeffrey Epstein’s black book.

The Jabroni Black Book

Good morning LPs,

I’m sure many of you have been following the Jeffrey Epstein news and were concerned about Jabroni Capital’s potential involvement with the convicted sex criminal. But I want to state clearly: I was not mentioned in Epstein’s black book ONCE.

My entire life people have told me that my mommy & daddy issues are detrimental to my success. But as it would turn, my mommy issues have finally paid off. I like many of the rich and elite in the tech world had the opportunity to visit Jeff’s island of nightmares.

But I have a strict policy of only hitting on women double my age. Several years ago Ghislaine Maxwell gave me the cold shoulder at the MET Gala and I vowed never to interact with those creeps ever again.

In fact Jabroni Capital was listed in Epstein’s blackbook under ‘firms that refuse to take my money’. While this worked out for us, I do want to state that we are updating our policies. I’ve recently listened to a podcast with Kim Kardashian and I’ve been enlightened to the importance of prison reform.

That’s why starting in 2024 Jabroni Capital will accept LP investment from convicted felons. I hear that Bernie Madoff’s estate still has a considerable amount of his fortune wrapped up in swiss bank accounts, and I will do everything in my power to get those funds this year. #2024goals!!

Join My Fundraising Bootcamp

Shameless plug time before more fun.

Aside from making VCs cry on LinkedIn, my full time gig is helping early stage startup founders raise money.

This winter I’m running a 2-week fundraising bootcamp to help pre-seed/seed startup founders raise money. I’ve run dozens of bootcamps & helped early stage founders raise $65M+ in the last two years.

Memes

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for today folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital

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