I've Resigned From OpenAI

Good afternoon LPs,

Today was my last day at OpenAI. Unfortunately, Sam Altman and I couldn’t agree on a vision of the future. 

Our disagreement was simple: I wanted to create the first AI president.

We all know America is extremely politically polarized. I wanted to create the perfect presidential candidate based on the collective beliefs of all 300 million Americans. 

According to our AI experts, it’s impossible for this candidate not to appeal to every American.

I give you, your next AI president: Andrewina Jackson.

Andrewina is a transgender communist & a devout Islamic Satanist who supports anti-Semitism & open borders.

Here’s a list of some Andrewina’s policies:

• Pro 2nd amendment 

• Supports abortion up to the 69th trimester 

• Pro building a wall around Canada & opening up our southern border 

• Plans to abolish the EPA & allow corporations to sponsor natural disasters

In Andrewina’s first day in office, she would create the first reality TV division in the Department of Defense. 

Working in collaboration with NBC & the CIA, Andrewina would launch the next hit reality tv show that would capitalize on America’s love of proxy wars. 

Introducing The Real Housewives of Gaza VS The Real Housewives of the Mossad.

These new stars would be placed in neighboring houses in Switzerland and would compete in daily TikTok challenges to drive the most viral pro-Palestine and pro-Israel propaganda. At the end of the season, America would declare war on whichever side drove the least social media views.

Sadly, Sam didn’t see the potential in Andrewina’s political campaign, and hence I had to leave the company. 

I was the last human employee at OpenAI. This was the best team I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. 

NYC Mayor Vacations in Rome... to Solve the Migrant Crisis??

Inspired by NYC’s mayor, I’m spending 2 months in the south of France this summer to fix the broken VC system & help underrepresented startup founders receive more funding.

Although I’ll be unavailable via email to my portfolio companies & to respond to founders who wish to receive funding from Jabroni Capital, just know that I will be with you in spirit. 

Every day for lunch when I eat fresh oysters & drink Champagne, I will be thinking of the thousands of underrepresented founders who struggle to raise venture funding. 

Thankfully I will be surrounded by the best people suited to solve this problem: rich silicon valley tech founders, Russian models, Saudi Princes, and famous Actors who are co-founders of crypto scams. 

Through hard work and with ample time spent on the beaches in the French Riviera, we can accomplish anything.

I’m Hosting a Webinar

Hey, it’s Jack. Shameless plug, May 29th at 2:30PM EST I’m hosting a live webinar on:

3 simple strategies for pre-seeds founders to raise $500k+ I’ve used to help dozens of founders close over $100M in funding.

If you’re raising money for your startup, RSVP for the free training next Wednesday

Refer the Newsletter!

Every week I make you people laugh. All I ask in return is that you share it around to friends. Post about Jabroni Capital on twitter. Make fun of me on LinkedIn. I don’t care, just spread the good word.

Shout out to Alessia for sharing the last newsletter. Screenshot the newsletter & share it on socials to farm free engagement.

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Song of the Week

To wrap the newsletter, here’s my favorite song of the week. I listen to this in my 2000 sq foot Williamsburg loft while I think about my hipster ex GF.

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital