Hedge Your Bets

Good morning LPs,

It’s halfway through October, which means I only have to work for another 2 weeks before our firm stops investing & goes on our 3 month long holiday break. Until then I’ll be hard at work screaming at founders in coffee shops while sipping a pumpkin spice latte.

Anyway, here’s what we talk about in today’s newsletter:

• Guy With 15 Ivy League Degrees Can’t Get Job

• VC Donates to Both Kamala & Trump

Let’s get into it.

Guy With 15 Ivy League Degrees Can’t Get Job

Yesterday the WSJ published an article about Jamie Beaton, a Harvard grad with 7 masters degrees, a PHD from Oxford, an MBA, a JD, & a college tutoring business that costs students up to $300k.

Just look at this guys fucking resume.

What’s shocking is that it took this dingus 7 masters, a PHD, an MBA, and a JD from the most prestigious schools in the world, to learn that college doesn’t give you real world skills & only makes you good at getting into college.

My VC peers think this guy is wasting his talent but I think he’s doing the one thing he’s good at: helping rich Asian kids get their first hug from their father.

Didn’t go to Stanford but need to raise $5M? We can help.

Time for a shameless plug.

Raising money for your startup is a lot like trying to beat the world record for hot dog eating in your studio apartment: it’s lonely, time-consuming, and you don’t know if you’re doing the right things to make it go faster. But we can help you with that.

I’ve coached dozens of pre-seed/seed founders to raise $1.5-5M from investors like a16z, Sequoia, my dad, and Jeffrey Epstein's family office.

I’ll help you speed up the fundraising process so you can go back to blowing money on AWS & Instagram ads.

This coaching costs between $5-$10k so if that number triggers you, ignore this.

But if you’re willing to spend money to solve your problems, we can help.

Bonus: We’ll even send you a Stanford hat so you can trick investors into thinking you’re more important than you are.

Shameless plug over, time for more fun :)

VC Donates to Both Kamala & Trump

On Tuesday, the notorious VC Tim Draper went viral for tweeting that he had donated equal amounts to Kamala Harris & Donald Trump. 

I don’t know why people found this announcement so surprising. This is the classic VC playbook:

• Step 1: Meet with someone who went to an ivy league for 30 minutes

• Step 2: Give them millions of dollars

• Step 3: Tell everyone that they’re revolutionizing their industry 

• Step 4: Immediately invest in their competitor

For real, it took this guy spending probably $1M total to form the opinion, “they’re both great”. 

This is the billionaire equivalent of when your girlfriend asks if you like the red or blue dress better. 

God forbid you give her an honest answer & you’ll be sleeping on the couch all weekend. Every man knows the only safe answer is, “babe you look hot in both”. 

Yes, she won’t be satisfied with this answer either. But from years of experience you know this is the safest way to hedge your bets. 

Memes

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Mr. Wonderful is my spirit animal.

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“We hire based on meritocracy”.

We invented robots just so we could get rid of tips.

Song of the Day

This song makes me want to crash my dad’s Ferrari after going 135 MPH in a 40 MPH zone.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital