Fraud Alert

A Forbes 30u30 founder scams investors & Jack gets back from a trip to LA

Author

Jack Kuveke
November 25, 2024

Good morning LPs,

I just got back from a trip to LA - which now that Trump is president will be formally rebranded to “Taco Town”. I don’t think I can go back there for another 10 years. It wasn’t the crack head that tried to shank me or the $30 sandwiches that pissed me off. It was having to listen to Sydney and Jessica claim in cartoonish valley girl accents “you literally can’t get a good taco outside of LA”. 

You can tell LA is a crumbling city based on their homeless people. NYC homeless don’t stay in one place for too long and you can feel their humanity. They’re hustling to get a couple bucks and move to a better bridge. LA homeless sold their souls to Satan and have denounced their humanity. Go to Venice Beach at 8am and you’ll see people shitting their pants and howling at the sun. 

That’s enough ranting about LA for one day, let’s get into the rest of the newsletter.

Forbes 30 under 30 Founder Scams Investors

Tech start-up tycoon 'spent investors' millions on wedding and mansion

Joanna Smith-Griffin, 33, founder of an artificial intelligence company has been accused of spending investor money on herself as her company spiraled into bankruptcy.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14103101/Joanna-Smith-Griffin-AllHere-Education-North-Carolina.html

I know many of you think I’m the greatest VC of all time and that investment success just comes naturally. But I too occasionally make mistakes. If a weirdly attractive, deep voice blonde wearing a turtleneck tells me she’s invented a miracle medical device, I’m gonna throw her $30M. But that’s where Forbes 30 under 30 comes in. Before investing in any founder, I quickly check to see if they made the list. If they have, I know with certainty they’re going to commit fraud and use my money to hookup with Cardi B in the Bahamas. 

This latest 30 under 30 scandal might be my new favorite. It’s a well known fact that VC is unfair. In the past 20 years 3 black women have successfully raised money in silicon valley. Miraculously Forbes picked the one who defrauded her investors.

this was leaked from an unpublished Forbes article

Joanna played the silicon valley fraudster playbook perfectly. 

  1. She went to an ivy league - check

  2. She built an AI company - perfect 

  3. She lied to investors about how much money she made - textbook 

  4. She used investor money to pay for an extravagant wedding - who wouldn’t?

  5.  She tried to cover up her scam - inevitable

For hundreds of years this playbook was reserved for old rich white men like Bernie Madoff. But hats off to Forbes for breaking the mold. 

This might be the first DEI program that I actually support. 

Join My Workshop for founders raising $500k - $3M+

Time for a shameless plug

It’s almost the holiday’s. Which means thousands of startup founders are dreading holiday dinners where their Aunt Sheryl asks, “how much money does your company have?”

Instead of lying and crying in your uncle's garage like I did in 2019, I can help you raise money so next year you won’t sound like a failure. 

That’s why I’m running a two-day workshop for 20 founders who are raising $500k-$3M+ now or in 2025.

We will focus on 3 core components founders must nail in order to successful raise money….

  1. Narrative/pitch - do my investors think I’ll make them rich

  2. Network - of 50 founders who can distribute my narrative to investors

  3. FOMO - are investors afraid they will miss out on investing

Today we’re trying out a new newsletter segment where we share funny fake headlines based on real news.

Polymarket CEO tweets, ‘new phone who dis’ after his phone was seized by the FBI for predicting the U.S. election. (X)

Matt Gaetz was forced to step down from the Attorney General nomination after the liberal media decided he’s no longer a Nazi - just a pedophile. (The Hill)

Jaguar CEO responds to outrage about their controversial rebranding stating, “our bad, we thought Kamala would win”. (X)

Elon Musk considers buying MSNBC and making Alex Jones the lead anchor. (CNN)

Bryan Jonhson claims boner length is a sign of health - I was rock hard my entire flight from LA so I must be REALLY healthy. (X)

Memes

If this is how they taught math, I might not have dropped out of college.

Is that even nice?

Relatable.

Song of the Day

In honor of Joanna successfully scamming VCs out of $10M, today’s song of the day is a Steve Miller classic. Too bad Joanna took the money and forgot to run.

Take The Money And Run

Steve Miller Band · Fly Like An Eagle · Song · 1976

open.spotify.com/track/1ZhrREyOOeFV6TxDOyiPwu?si=ac74f445468c4f64

I was told LA was a dry hellscape that was on fire 70% of the time. No one told me I would get drenched on a 3 hour hike this past weekend.

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital

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