Drake Invests In Jabroni Capital

Good afternoon LPs,

Exciting news, we’ve brought Drake on as an LP!

Drake wasn’t going to invest in Jabroni Capital, but when I told him it was under 16 years old he was in.

Many of you might think I’m taking a side on this Drake & Kendrick beef. But I want it to be very clear, I chose Drake because I learned that Kendrick is only 5 foot 6.

If Kendrick gets leg extensions like many insecure tech bros, I will reconsider my stance.

VC Thinks He Invented Private Equity

What does going to Harvard & working at McKinsey give you? Apparently the confidence to post brain dead shit on the internet & think it’s a radically new idea.

What he doesn’t realize is JP Morgan beat him to the punch in 1901 when he bought Carnegie Steel & created the first private equity fund. (yes I did just google that)

Chinese Robots Poised to Destroy America

What most of you don’t know is that my legal name is John Connor (seriously), and I’ve seen Terminator 2 at least 6 times. Which means I’m a resident expert on robot Armageddon.

It started with TikTok meddling in American elections, & now it’s progressed to Chinese sex robots infiltrating lonely 30 year old men’s lives. This will plummet birth rates, allowing china to expand it’s sphere of influence.

However, there are some benefits to sex robots. For instance if China instead sent these robots into middle eastern conflicts, we could distract horny, angry terrorists long enough to end wars.

Refer the newsletter!

I’ve started a new referral system. If you share the newsletter with 1 friend, I will send you my crying in the shower playlist.

Memes

Song of the Week

To wrap today’s newsletter, I’m gonna share my favorite song of the week. This is what I listen to when a helicopter picks me up.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital

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