Diddy's Closet

Good morning LPs,

My brother is getting married this week & I am currently in a castle in Italy. I’ve done nothing but eat & drink wine for the last 48 hours. I could get used to this lifestyle. Anyway, here’s what we talk about in today’s newsletter:

• 24 Year Old Considers Buying 23andme

• Snapchat Releases New AR Spectacles

Let’s get into it.

24 Year Old Considers Buying 23andme

Over the weekend, Kian Sadeghi, CEO of Nucleus Genomics posted that his company was considering buying the DNA sequencing company 23andme. 

In case you haven’t heard, 23andme has had a downfall almost as spectacular as Lindsey Lohan in the early 2000s. Unlike Lohan, their downfall wasn’t caused by a cocktail of drugs but rather a series of lawsuits that made them look almost as bad as P. Diddy’s closet. 

But now the 24 year old CEO of Nucleus has come out of the woodwork to vaguely express interest in turning this flaming pile of kaka into gold. 

This is a classic move of a 24 year old who’s pretending to be a businessman. Let me translate his opening sentence: “I have spoken to no one and have accomplished nothing. But if someone agrees to give me $1B, and the leadership team of a company I do not know owned by SIR Richard Branson, agrees to talk to me, a dumbass 24 year old born just months before 9/11, then I may make an offer to acquire said company.

The only reason that Kian would purchase 23andme is to literally data rape consumers & sell your most personal information to insurance companies so they can jack up your premium. 

I obviously don’t have any problem with that, 80% of my portfolio are involved in data rape. But I do have a problem with 24 year old dorks trying to sound smart. Leave that to the 27 year old idiots writing shitty newsletters. 

Invest in Needle

This section is for all the investors that read my newsletter. For the last few months I’ve been working with an AI startup called Needle. They’re a marketing agency in a box for ecommerce brands.

Needle connects to your tools, analyzes the data, recommends growth ideas, and even creates visuals and ad campaigns—all at a fraction of the cost of a traditional agency.

Every year I speak to legitimately 500 startups. Most of them are complete dogshit. But Needle is different. They have an amazing product used by 100 ecommerce brands & are growing 30% MoM with $15k MRR.

So why am I telling you this? Because I genuinely believe in them and selfishly when they’re a unicorn in 5 years I can look back at this email & brag to all my friends that I was among the first to support them.

They’re going out for their pre-seed and if you’re an investor I HIGHLY recommend you chat with their CEO Kiyan. If you’d like an introduction, reply to this email & I’ll make an introduction or shoot Kiyan a message directly at [email protected].

Snapchat Releases New AR Spectacles

Last week Snapchat announced the next generation of their augmented reality sunglasses and boy do they look fucking terrible. 

For $1,200 upfront & $100/month for a minimum commitment of 1 year you can buy a pair of these dogshit glasses. Snapchat knows they’re such an awful product they had to force users to sign up for at least a year.

Do you remember Google glass? Those smart glasses were released back in 2013 when the famous tech company could do no wrong. And guess what happened: it was a complete dumpster fire & the company has been downhill ever since.

This is a bad sign for Snapchat. Google was able to have a peak & downfall because it’s one of the most successful companies ever created. Hell, even Rome fell.

But Snapchat’s only ever been popular with 13 year old’s & pedophiles. Last I checked those are two pretty bad customer segments. One of them isn’t old enough to get a job & the other can’t get a job because they’re on an FBI watchlist. 

I’m calling it right now, these hideous glasses are the canary in the coal mine. If you have money in Snapchat, you’re money would be safer under the mattress of a house that’s on fire.

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If this is your life you should just give up.

Jason Calacanis is my spirit animal.

Song of the Day

This is the first song I listened to when I started my drive across the Italian countryside. These days people always complain about how bias & cringe corporate media is. But turns out this has been a problem for since at least 1982 when Don Henley wrote this masterpiece. Give it a listen.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital