Concepts of a Plan

Apple releases the iPhone 16 & Trump debates Harris

Good morning LPs,

I know this will come as a surprise, but I’ve been swamped with work. Next Friday I’m flying to Tuscany for my brothers wedding & then immediately after I’m being flown out to Sicily for an event called the Startup World Cup. If any of you will be there, let me know & we can grab a glass of champagne.

  • The iPhone 16 is Unveiled 

  • Trump Goes Founder Mode

P.S. Our Instagram is heating the fuck up. Go follow us for more memes & videos where I embarrass myself.

iPhone 16 is Unveiled 

On Monday Apple unveiled the latest features & updates in the new iPhone 16, Apple Watch, & AirPods. 

Most notably Apple announced its new AI visual intelligence which will allow users to snap a photo & immediately get insights. 

According to our reports Apple will give every illegal immigrant in America an iPhone 16 to help them navigate the burning questions every American is faced with today:

  • Who in this photo will sell me Fentanyl? 

  • Which presidential candidate in this photo should I vote for?

  • Are any of these pets safe to eat?

Personally I’m most excited about AirPods new selective hearing feature. Everyone on my team will be given a new pair of AirPods which will be deducted from their paychecks. 

Lately some of our employees have been distracted by things we don’t want them to hear, such as:

  • Pitches from female founders.

  • Quotes about the importance of DEI.

  • The truth.

In the meantime we’ll patiently wait for Apple Vision Pro 3 so we can blur out everything we don’t want our employees to see. 

Give Jabroni A Testimonial

We’re looking for fans of the newsletter to give us video testimonials about why they read & what they like.

So if you love what we do & want to help us out, record a 20 second video of saying why you like the newsletter. It can be as crazy & unhinged as you want.

We’ll pick a couple of the best & funniest testimonials to feature on our Instagram & website.

To participate, record a quick video of yourself & email the recording to [email protected]

Trump Goes Founder Mode

Tuesday night Donald Trump & Kamala Harris engaged in their first political debate leading up to the 2024 election in November. 

Now I care about politics about as much as I care about investing in a non-AI startup founded by two non-ivy league graduates. But there was a moment in the debate that caught my attention. 

When asked if he had a plan to replace Obamacare, Donald Trump stated that, “I have concepts of a plan”. 

This is exactly the kind of response Jabroni Capital looks for when investing in a company. 

Having a concrete plan is for nerds & try hards. Anyone can come to you with a fully developed plan, but it takes a NEXT LEVEL founder to pitch you with no plan. 

If a founder comes to me with a concrete plan, that means that I can’t be involved in coming up with the plan. I only want the concept of a plan so I can blame you when your company fails or take credit if you succeed. 

When a founder is pitching you a company & you’re pretending you actually give a shit.

Memes

Watch out founders, some of the people you’re dating don’t respect your busy schedule.

We’re getting cancelled for this one.

Holy shit I think this guy hacked time.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. This is one of the greatest songs ever made by one of the most legendary super bands of the 70s. Go listen, or you’re a dork.

Just a reminder to all my readers that you are much more than just your genitals

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

How was the newsletter today?

Login or Subscribe to participate in polls.

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital

Reply

or to participate.