The CIA is Using AI...

Good afternoon LPs,

We’re at the stage of the American political cycle where I’ve started drinking 3x more than usual (aka 100 Vodka Red Bulls/week). I hope you’re coping better than me. Here’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s newsletter:

• Crowdstrike Collapses Internet

• CIA Taking a ‘Thoughtful Approach’ to AI

• Biden Steps Down From Presidential Race

Let’s get into it.

Crowdstrike Collapses Internet

Last Friday the cybersecurity company Crowdstrike pushed an update that led to the global collapse of devices using Microsoft. The error caused flights to be grounded, stopped 911 services, and gave tech employees who only worked 10 hours a week an excuse to start drinking at 11am.

One intern pushing a software update cost more than the GDP of Zimbabwe, which is only slightly worse than my worst fuckup when I bought Bitcoin at $10 then used it to buy Molly.

It’s rumored that the only person unaffected by the outage was Nancy Pelosi. Who 30 minutes before the update miraculously canceled her flights, shorted $1M worth of Crowdstrike stock, and made $10B.

In Crowdstrikes defense, they did push an update that guarantees you won’t get a computer virus by bringing us back to the stone age.

CIA Taking a ‘Thoughtful Approach’ to AI

In an interview with Techcrunch, the CIA’s AI director Lakshmi Raman claimed that the agency was taking a ‘thoughtful approach to AI’.

According to our reports, their first use case for AI was asking ChatGPT, ‘how do we get away with killing former president Trump’.

The CIA has also been using ChatGPT to answer hard hitting questions such as:

• What’s the best way to overthrow a democratically elected leader in Guatemala?

• How do we start another crack epidemic?

• What’s the most profitable way to sell weapons to warlords?

Director Raman was quoted saying, ‘In the past we had to use hundreds of people to start coups in foreign countries, but with AI we can overthrow a government with just 2 agents and a couple interns’. 

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Shameless plug over, time for more fun :)

Biden Steps Down From Presidential Race

On Sunday President Biden announced that he would be stepping down from the presidential race & would be supporting VP Kamala Harris’s nomination.

Personally I found this incredibly inspiring considering Biden's greatest challenge has been going down stairs.

Biden reportedly tried to take back his statement after realizing Kamala Harris wasn’t Michelle Obama.

Thankfully for Harris the decision has been made. In her first move, Kamala reportedly chose RuPaul as her running mate but quickly reversed the decision when she realized he was a man.

Memes

I almost spit out my coffee when I saw this. Holy shit.

jabronicap

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I was proud of this one.

Jesus Christ, this is why America won.

corporate.sween

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My buddy Ben killed it with this one.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. Something about the summer brings me back to 2000s hits. This one slaps. Go enjoy.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital