Blonde Bimbo

Good morning LPs,

I woke up today & learned that Larry Ellison (CEO of Oracle) is now the 4th richest person in the world. That’s impressive considering I still have no fucking clue what that company does. Anyway. here’s what we cover in today’s newsletter:

• Influencers Post About Life in Saudi Arabia

• How to Destroy Your Life for a Startup

Let’s get into it.

Influencers Post About Life in Saudi Arabia

Western influencers have been going viral for posting their lives living in a housing compound in Saudi Arabia. 

This is why I love the Saudis. They’re the only country that can convince brain dead TickTockers to happily move into white person daycare in the middle of the desert. 

Newsflash: if you’re 30 years old & frequent a dining hall, you’re either 1) homeless 2) in prison. 

If I’m moving to Saudi Arabia, it’s only because my buddy Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud has personally invited me to live in the Royal Palace & join their polo team. 

At this point I’m expecting a video where some blonde bimbo advertises her life in North Korea, “it’s been so nice living here, the one time we had a noisy neighbor we complained & never heard from them again!”.

Want to Increase the Workload of Your Employees?

Time for a shameless plug

Hello reader. Are you an employer? Did you know one of the fastest growing reasons people leave the workforce is because of respiratory diseases like Asthma & COPD? That might actually not surprise you given that 98% of people aged 11-94 are addicted to vaping.

I recently tried to solve this problem on my own by buying 200,000 cases of Zyn nicotine pouches to improve my employees lung quality, but unfortunately my team loved that sweet, sweet, mint berry vape juice too much.

So that’s why we’re partnering with Health Care Originals. They provide virtual respiratory care as a benefit for employers, so employees don’t have an excuse to take off work.

Their platform is backed by 10 years of clinical validation & positive review from institutions like Stanford University (I agreed to this ad when I saw Stanford on their website).

So if you want to improve employee retention so you can grind people down to the bone & reduce your businesses healthcare costs check out Health Care Originals in the link below.

How to Destroy Your Life for a Startup

A couple years ago I had a great idea for a direct to consumer pharmaceutical company & I pitched my most cracked friend.

He immediately divorced his wife, abandoned his 3 kids, & fucked my dad (that last part is irrelevant, but I’m still mad about it & needed to get it off my chest).

We moved into a cardboard box together on market street in SF & dogfooded our own product which enabled us to stay awake & work late into the night.

We identified a problem that millions of Americans face & went to work in the lab to cook up a product that would be so good it would ruin your life.

My friend showed intense commitment by uprooting his life & joining me on this mission. Unfortunately we got a little too high on our own supply & he was sent to prison for 15 years for distribution of crack.

But at least I have a new wife & 3 beautiful children.

Memes

Two months ago we emailed Lucy’s team to create meme nicotine pouches & yesterday they launched this commercial. Coincidence? Potentially. Either way I’m happy.

I lead their round.

jabronicap

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It’s the 16th anniversary of my favorite moment on television!!

Song of the Day

This is a top 10 rap song of all time. One of my favorite moments in NYC was when I was biking through Brooklyn listening to this song when I looked up at the street signs & saw I was on Broadway/Mrytle. Listen & you’ll know why that’s cool.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital