Biblical Conflict

Good afternoon LPs,

So much happened this weekend it was hard to pick a topic. War broke in the middle east for the 112th time, riots popped up all across America, Minnesota lawmakers were assassinated, and somehow Peter Thiel profited from all of it.

Anyway let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Trump celebrates as millions of Americans take to the streets in acknowledgement of him being King. “I didn’t even have to say it, they said it for me, this is wonderful.” (NPR)

Iran rejects ceasefire negotiations while under Israeli attack. “Stop fucking bombing us and then we’ll talk.” says Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian “The audacity of this country.” (Reuters)

Minnesota police catch alleged Minnesota lawmaker shooter by announcing return of McDonald’s Snack Wrap to lure suspect out of the woods. “We knew he wouldn’t be able to resist, nobody would.” says Head of the Minnesota Police Department. (NY Times) (McDonalds) 

Obama disappointed after Trump receives more attention for less deportations. “My fellow Americans, where were all of you when I deported double the number of people as Mr. Trump.” (NBC)

Israel vs Iran

Conflict between Iran and Israel escalated over the weekend with both sides launching hundreds of missiles and killing people in both countries. Obviously this is the biggest story in the world right now, so it’s impossible for the Jabroni Capital team to ignore it. 

That being said, when I sat down to write about the history I realized I was in a bit of a pickle. Normally when I do historical breakdowns I have to look back 50 or 100 years to really understand a situation. But when I asked ChatGPT to take me back to the start of this conflict they said, “it began during biblical times”. 

Considering I started writing this newsletter at 9am, I figured I’d need 24 hours of adderall, cocaine, and heart attack levels of coffee to truly understand 2000+ years of conflict. 

But ignoring this topic completely seems like a disservice to my readers. But considering the ongoing lawsuits I have with 15 former employees, I don’t want to get into race, religion, or ethnic disputes. Although these are factors in every conflict they are literally never the reason behind conflicts.

Individuals hate each other because of race, religion, or ethnicity - but governments (typically) don’t care about that. If you think about any country in the world that sucks to live in, the reason stems from two things: resources and the cold war. 

After the U.S. dropped a rice cooker on Japan, twice, the world was split between western allies (U.S./Western Europe) pushing capitalism and eastern allies (Soviet Union/China) pushing communism. Both groups were strong, but afraid of losing power after a rabble rouser upstart from Germany almost took over the world. Their solution? Instill dictators that are loyal to their regime in countries with valuable resources.

Let’s start with the persnickety country at hand: Iran. In the 1940s Great Britain basically controlled all the oil in Iran. Obviously the British needed oil and paying for it is expensive, but owning it is cheap. So they fucked Iran over for a while. In 1951 the Iranian prime minister nationalized their oil and kicked Great Britain out. 

At this point Britain is butthurt and turns to their Yankee doodle friends in America and starts whining. America is terrified of a weakened Iranian government falling into the hands of Soviet influence. 

So what do they do? The CIA and MI6 stage a coup, overthrow the Iranian regime, and place a dictator in charge. The goal? Maintain western influence over Iran. The only problem is that installing a dictator makes everyone in the country fucking hate their government and its western allies. 26 years later in 1979 radical Muslims overthrew the CIA regime, and started a policy of hating Israel and women's rights. Once again you can trace back this fuck nest of problems to the cold war and resources. 

But this is a global trend that doesn’t stop with Iran. Let me give you some other examples:

• Literally all of South America: The U.S. wanted their resources and bananas (seriously), so different U.S. companies took advantage of these countries, the people became poor and abused which caused them to consider socialism. Which led to the U.S. government into getting scared, overthrowing their leadership, and installing dictators. 

• Korea: The Soviets controlled the north in the 1940s, the U.S. influenced the south. America hates communism and starts the Korean War. And bla bla bla now we have North Korea. 

• Africa: Angola, Ethiopia, Somalia, The Congo, Liberia, etc… all of these countries were once embroiled in U.S. vs Soviet proxy wars, and now they suck ass. 

• Miscellaneous Asian countries: Vietnam, Pakistan, Indonesia, were all caught up in Soviet vs U.S. proxy wars. 

So what am I trying to say here? My point is that on the surface of conflicts like Israel and Iran every media outlet is going to be talking about religious, race, and ethnic reasons for the wars. But just remember that basically all modern conflicts can be tied back to resources and the cold war.

(P.S. One of our unpaid interns would like noted that he does not believe the CIA had anything to do with the events discussed above and he is very much looking forward to starting his internship at Lockheed Martin.)

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

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Huge week for defense contractors!

This is still one of the greatest videos on the internet.

Song of the Day

I know I joke around about having daddy issues, but reality is I have a great dad. So today’s song of the day is dedicated to him. Perhaps the song that makes me think of my dad most is this track by Traffic. He used to listen to this album when he went to bed in college during the 70s/80s and eventually when I went to college I found myself doing the same. The Low Spark Of High-Heeled Boys is an epic slow building song that most people don’t know these days, but I highly recommend you give it a shot.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital