VC Attempts to Hire Slave

Good afternoon LPs,

I hope you all had a good weekend. Everyone in NYC has been freaking out over drones that were captured hovering over various parts of New Jersey. There has been a lot of speculation that these drones are trying to find a nuclear bomb, but according to our reports they are government drones designed to identify where autism comes from. With any luck we can use their intel to hire more top tier unpaid interns.

Anyway, here’s what we talk about in today’s newsletter:

• VC Attempts to Hire a Slave

Anyway, let’s get into it.

VC Attempts to Hire a Slave

Ian Rountree is the General Partner of Cantos - a teeny tiny fund with less than $100M under management. This is embarrassing - my dad’s rottweiler stands to inherit more money than this guy manages. 

Let me get this straight Ian. You want to pay someone less than market rate, get rid of their name, exclude them from every important meeting, and get rid of them in 2 years. 

This is a roundabout way of saying you want a slave. 

Is this amateur hour, haven’t you ever tried to hire a slave before? You’re not supposed to openly tell them it’s a terrible opportunity that won’t grow their career.

You’re supposed to tell people they’re going to “work in a face-paced environment” and “wear many hats” - then force them to get coffee and be human footstool. 

I’m sick of all these dorks who couldn’t cut it in private equity launching funds and acting like they're a big shot venture capitalist. 

My alcoholic stepmom has been taking my dads money & writing checks for 40 years, but you don’t see her calling herself a general partner. 

OpenAI Whistleblower Found Dead

Over the weekend, Suchir Balaji, a former OpenAI employee and notorious whistleblower was tragically found dead in his apartment. Suchir accused OpenAI of violating copyright law while developing ChatGPT. 

In a private conversation we had with Sam Altman he said, “while this death is tragic, we must not let it distract from the real issues going on in the world like trans rights and the horrors in the middle east”. When further questioned about whether or not he was trying to change the subject, Altman quickly typed something into his phone and while reading from it responded, “I was born in a middle class family”.

According to our reports OpenAI has hired the same law firm as The Clinton Foundation and Boeing. Their lawyers stated, ‘this is an open and shut case. I would kill myself too if I was unemployed and had to live in San Francisco”.

Memes

Good luck building a company in Europe.

corporate.sween

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This is some of Ben’s best work yet.

I’m stealing this idea.

This corpse of a man is in charge of overseeing U.S. defense spending lol.

Song of the Day

The last couple weeks I’ve been in a indie electronic pop mood. I think there’s something about the cold weather that makes me crave upbeat songs with funky instrumentals.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital