Trump Infiltrates Big Tech

Good afternoon LPs,

This morning, Inc Magazine published an article about Jabroni Capital and me. Most of you probably don’t give a fuck, and that’s reasonable. But if you are interested, you can read more about how and why I started the newsletter here:

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

NYC Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani was made fun of by Cuomo and Adams after failing to bench press 135 pounds. Adams called Mamdani “Mamscrawny” and said, “The only thing he can lift are your taxes”.  (The Hill)  This is all true

ICE re-arrests a man mistakenly deported to El Salvador in hopes of re-deporting him to the correct country. “We’re gonna keep trying until we get this right. It might cost a lot of money, but at least we get Delta SkyMiles each time we book him a seat,” said ICE PR (NBC)

US fighter jets intercept a Russian plane over Alaska for the 3rd time this week. “Putin loved Alaska and America so much that we have to keep turning him away. If he doesn’t obey our immigration laws, he might end up in El Salvador, too,” said Trump (ABC)

Elon Musk’s xAI sues Apple and OpenAI over App Store rankings. “If a company wants a monopoly, they need to do it the old-fashioned way by becoming friends with the President, none of this collusion nonsense,” read Musk’s court statement. (Reuters)

Trump Takes Ownership of Intel

Earlier today, Donald Trump announced that the U.S. government had forcibly purchased a 10% stake in the $110B corporation Intel. 

Critics immediately took to social media to say that this purchase was shockingly close to what a socialist or authoritarian country might do. 

But people just don’t understand the pressure that Trump is under. He sees that his biggest competitors, like Putin, Xi Jinping, and Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud all have the ability to forcibly take ownership of companies. 

Trump having to follow gay “rules” and “regulations” was infuriating. 

According to our sources, Trump has attempted to buy Nvidia for years. But Jensen Huang, wearing a crocodile skin jacket, laughed at him and called him poor. “What do you have, Donald, like a couple of billion dollars? That’s pathetic, dude”. 

In retaliation, Trump did what he does best: make bad deals and pick on someone weaker (this time it was Intel). 

For those that don’t know, Intel has been floundering over the last 20 years. Just look at their stock over the past 5 years compared to Nvidia. 

They failed to get into smartphones, they got stomped by AMD in the CPU market, and they dropped the ball on AI/GPUs. 

So let’s get real for a second. Why did Trump do this? 

One argument is that he’s a megalomaniac who may be too heavily inspired by Putin. There’s a little truth here. But the Intel purchase is likely much more nuanced than that. 

Don’t get me wrong, the government using taxpayer money to purchase shares of a company is a bit scary. 

But the reason they're doing this is almost certainly because of the U.S.’s reliance on semiconductor production in Taiwan. Literally 100% of all of our coolest shit uses chips made in China’s backyard.

Who’s America’s number 1 adversary? China. Who considers Taiwan to be a part of their country? China. Who’s already been caught spying on America through hardware installed throughout the United States? China. 

Are you starting to get the picture? From the U.S. perspective, it would be mighty convenient if we had dominant semiconductor manufacturing on U.S. soil. 

From where I’m sitting, this Intel purchase is more reminiscent of the General Motors bailout in 2008. At the time, G.M. was too strategically important to the U.S. economy to fail. So the government ended up owning like 60% of it. 

The Intel deal is basically our government's equivalent of when my dad told me I needed to stop drinking and get my shit together, or else my cousin would inherit my grandfather's fortune. 

It typically takes decades to build up semiconductor research and manufacturing. Intel has been doing this since 1968. Right now, it’s America’s best chance at getting over our reliance on chip manufacturing in Taiwan. Obviously, there is an element of Big Brother going on, but don’t get it twisted, as always, this investment is mainly about national security. 

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital, I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

jabronicap

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Someone should have told them before they dropped out of college.

This is the kind of engineer I would be.

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Why didn’t I think of this?

Song of the Day

I spent this weekend out on the coast of Connecticut celebrating my best friend Ben’s birthday. Ben is an extraordinary character. Dangerously funny, charming with a hint of doucheyness (the good kind), and at his core, he’s a very kind person. So today’s song of the day is, Money for Nothing, one of our mutual favorite tracks that we’ve listened to together 1000 times. There’s nothing better than speeding down a highway with your best friend listening to Dire Straits. If you haven’t, give it a try ASAP.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital