There's an Epidemic in Silicon Valley...

Good morning LPs,

On Tuesday, I flew back from Italy after a short trip. Italy is a great place to be if you want to get nothing done. Ordering a coffee takes 2 hours, drivers on teeny tiny roads are always about to get into a head-on collision with you, and the police don’t make arrests because they’re too busy smoking cigarettes by the waterfront. Let’s just say I always feel at home there.

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Trump mobilizes the DC National Guard to “protect law-abiding citizens from the destructive forces of criminal activity” after a 19-year-old DOGE employee, “Big Balls” was attacked in a carjacking attempt. (ABC) (We didn’t even have to make shit up for this one)

RFK cancels $500m in mRNA vaccine development funding, saying "Anyone with a brain worm could tell you, you can't trust the CDC." (Washington Post)

Trump will be meeting with Putin in Alaska today. Trump said, "We need to meet in a place that resembles his natural habitat.....somewhere that's cold with bears and everyone wants to die.” (CNBC)

Sam Altman and Elon Musk's Twitter fight devolves into who can create brain control technology first. “My version will give you an incredible fashion sense and cutting-edge gaydar” said Altman in a press conference. (X)

A study of college students' political views confirms that men are continuing to fake political views to get laid. “I can’t believe Chad doesn’t actually care about transgender abortion rights in Burundi,” said one college activist. (The Hill)

Tech Bros Keep Losing Their Minds Over AI

A couple of weeks ago, we reported on a VC who lost their mind after talking to ChatGPT. Since then, this AI-induced psychosis has become an epidemic, affecting people working in gas stations to billionaire tech investors. 

The kids these days call this being “One Shotted”. It essentially means that instead of talking to humans, you’ve been talked into believing delusional bullshit by an AI model that is designed to tell you what it thinks you want to hear. 

Keith Sakata, a psychiatrist who specializes in dealing with your average retard broke this down (coincidentally, he’s also my doctor). A large percentage of the population has always been mentally vulnerable. Maybe they’re a narcissist, insecure, or depressed, or basically anyone between the ages of 14-50 fits in one of these categories. 

In the past, these people would go to their friends with their delusions and say something like, “Kevin, I think I’ve cracked the secrets of the universe”. To which Kevin, drinking a beer, would reply, “Dog, you failed Algebra and have worked at Pizza Hut for the last 6 months, you’re just retarded. Grab a Bud Light, shut the fuck up, and watch the game”. Your friend Kevin grounds you. When you’re being an incel sad boy, he calls you a pussy. When you’re being a narcissist, he calls you a dumbass. 

Evolution designed social society this way to hold delusion at bay, but with AI, you don’t need Kevin or society. And frankly, Kevin and society don’t have patience for delusional ChatGPT addicted nerds. This leads people to be isolated in the worst echochamber possible. One that’s designed not to think and criticize you, but to confirm your stupidity. 

What’s disturbing is that this psychosis not only affects lonely unemployed people, but billionaire tech bros. Just look at this AI-generated slop that Chamath has been tweeting:

Let’s analyze the first line of this tweet. “You don’t need more tabs. You need alignment, execution, and velocity in one clean flow”. If my sophomore year English teacher, Mrs. Phillips, read this garbage, she’d give me a D-. 

For all of time, there were 2 categories of people. Those who believed in god, and thought that was the answer. And those that didn’t believe in god, and thought the answer was to just chill the fuck out and enjoy life. AI has introduced a third category of people who think they’re going to discover the secrets of the universe. Newsflash: Einstein died trying to discover the grand unifying theory, and you’re not Einstein. 

I promise you the theory of everything is not hosted on 100,000 Nvidia chips in a server farm in Iowa. You need to go outside, flip over some rocks, get laid, and drink a beer. 

Why are we here? What’s the meaning of life? Why has Margot Robbie not answered my DM? Who gives a shit. The answer is to stop looking for answers. Just relax, a solar flare will inevitably kill all of us anyway. 

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital, I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

jabronicap

30K followers

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When people said “AI is going to change the world”, this is not what we had in mind.

bstchld

747K followers

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Here’s what to say if you want to insult ChatGPT.

jabronicap

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It’s August, so don’t expect to hear back from me.

Song of the Day

This was one of my favorite songs I listened to as we drove along the coast of Lake Como, Italy. When I’m abroad, I like music that makes me feel like I’m floating my way through life. This is one of those tracks.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital