Sweet, Sweet Love

Good afternoon LPs,

On Saturday I got back from a month in Italy & I’m feeling more patriotic than ever. America may be a hellscape of morbidly obese 8 year old’s & easily offended blue haired communists, but at least you can order food at a restaurant without service taking 4.5 hours. Anyway, here’s what we cover in today’s newsletter:

• SpaceX Catches Rocket From Space

• Tim Walz Photo Op Goes Wrong

Let’s get into it.

SpaceX Catches Rocket From Space

On Sunday Elon Musk's company SpaceX made history by successfully catching a 35 story rocket after launching it into space. 

Elon Musk is like the bipolar friend you’re constantly upset with but can’t get rid of. One day he gets you into a Miami party & you double team a supermodel, and the next week he abandons you at the airport & you have to walk 8 miles home. 

Many people are frustrated with the support Musk has with young men around the world. But Elon Musk is Taylor Swift for dudes. 

Every little girl's dream is to be a princess & have a beautiful wedding, Taylor Swift reinforces this. Every little boy’s dream is to shoot shit into space & drive fast cars. 

Think about it. In the last 10 years Elon Musk has:

• Built some of the fastest cars in the world 

• Dated supermodels 

• Built robots & flamethrowers

• Shot rockets into space

• Played video games until 3am before his historic rocket launch

Elon Musk is literally living every six year old boy's dream.

Invest in Vision Anchor

This is for all the investors that read the newsletter. 

As you all know, I love mega yachts. But I’ve destroyed all of the boats my dad has ever bought me because of problems with my anchors. And it turns out I’m not the only one with this problem, 68% of sailors experience anchor failures leading to billions in damages globally. 

But that’s where Vison Anchor comes in. They built the first smart buoy system to automatically alert sailors in the $70B yachting industry to changes in their anchor. 

The industry desperately wants this. Since launch they’ve sold out $50k of their first units with another 2,300 signups on their waitlist. 

Now they’re raising a pre-seed to meet their demand & scale to $2.5M in revenue in 2025. So if you're an investor, instead of throwing money at another useless AI company that’ll never go anywhere, chat with the team at Vision Anchor. 

Reach out to their CEO Matija to chat about their fundraise: [email protected]

Tim Walz Photo Op Goes Wrong

Over the weekend, the vice president's vice presidential candidate Tim Walz, aka VP Squared, came under fire after critics claimed his pheasant hunting photo-op was staged and “made hunting look gay”. 

Tim looked as natural hunting as I did showing up to a black cookout in Atlanta. 

Both JD Vance & Tim Walz have been attacked a lot recently. The other week Vance was mocked relentlessly for allegedly fucking a couch. 

Personally I won’t put up with more slander against these men. 

If you threw a dart into a crowd of dudes you’d have a 80% chance of hitting someone who’s made sweet, sweet love to a Turkish sectional sofa or lied to his friends about being good at shooting. 

I couldn’t think of two presidential candidates that are more relatable to the modern American man than JD Vance & Tim Walz.

Dunce Cap Interview

I got trolled by a puppet but it turned out to be the funniest interview I’ve ever done. Give Dunce Cap a listen - in a year it’ll be bigger than Talk Tuah.

Memes

jabronicap

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This might be our best meme ever.

mytechceo

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He’s got a point.

sahibcantsingh

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I’ve personally experienced this close too 100 times.

Song of the Day

Freddie Gibbs is probably one of the top 5 coolest mother fuckers alive & my favorite rapper. If you want to feel cool for 3 minutes, give this a listen.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital