Social media companies are taking the blame for bad parents

Don’t blame tech companies for your poor parenting skills. Just start caring about your kids and less about yourself. If you don’t, they may end up on a private island off the coast of Albania.

At this point I think it’s widely agreed upon that some people are not equipped to have children. Unfortunately for us, these people keep having kids. California recognizes that shitty kids are a global issue, and they’re attempting to implement a solution. The new bill that Gavin Newsom signed makes it illegal to offer personalized feeds or autoplay videos to users under 16. Additionally, social media providers have to delete any user accounts that don’t meet the age requirement. The problem is the nation of bad kids is not the fault of social media companies. They are doing what they are incentivized to do. The problem is parents who do not care.

Newsflash but Gavin Newsom doesn’t actually care about protecting children. It’s likely all a facade. The law is probably a way to get back at big tech for being buddy buddy with Trump the last couple of years.

Now for the real overlooked problem here, awful parenting. We have the obvious  “who let them reproduce” parents. Think tattoos, piercings and mountain dew. I know most of our readers have only seen the likes of these creatures from watching YouTube videos of The Gathering. 

Then we have the less obvious and more prevalent breed. These are the type that think it’s cool to say “I’m a mom” but hate everything to do with childcare. Maybe they came from a middle class family and had kids because they were pressured into it. All this group wants to do is to live in a state of extended adolescence. So when their kids are “bothering them” and taking away from “my time” to see what that evil Elon Musk is up to, they stick a screen in the kids face and pray to God (which they don’t believe in) they shut up. Kids from the second group could be worse off because at least the first group is trying their best. 

We have already started to see the effects. We’re starting to see a lonely, anxious, unhealthy and degenerate younger population. They have a fifth grade reading level and the attention span of goldfish. Where we used to aspire to be astronauts and firemen when we grew up, these kids aspire to be streamers and TikTok dancers. They’re going to graduate high school less qualified than a free tier ChatGPT subscription but with the added benefit of legally being able to buy a firearm. We need a solution fast.

The silver lining here? Jabroni Capital is ready to take a stand. We are ready to lead a seed round of $1-3 million for any company who creates a parent competency test. If you’re sick and tired of not being able to go out in public without hearing a flock of youths scream SIX SEVEN and think you have the solution, DM one of our unpaid interns with. 

Carson Badamo | Managing Degenerate @ Jabroni Capital