The Perfect Founder

Good morning LPs,

I woke up this morning feeling grateful that the tech industry is so bat shit crazy, that there’s always something to talk about. Here’s what we’re going to cover today:

• NYC Paid McKinsey $4M for Trash Research

• a16z is Hoarding GPUs

• AI Startup Raises $130M

Let’s get into it.

NYC Paid McKinsey $4M for Trash Research

Earlier this week it was revealed that NYC paid the consulting group McKinsey $4M to tell them the city should put its trash in bins instead of on the street. 

According to our reports, NYC is also paying Mckinsey to investigate the following hard to answer questions:

• Should we stop homeless people from throwing pedestrians in front of trains?

• Does it make sense to replace playgrounds with crack dens? 

• Should we force old people into nursing homes & give migrants their homes?

If Elon Musk can buy twitter, fire 90% of its staff, and still run the app, then maybe he can do the same for NYC. 

The downside of Elon taking over NYC would be having sweaty, Adderall juiced up nerds running our city. But at least the WIFI would be fast.

a16z is Hoarding GPUs

In an effort to compete with other VC firms and win deals, a16z “has secured thousands of Nvidia AI chips and is renting them to portfolio companies, according to a person who has discussed the initiative with the firm’s partners.” - The Information.

A16z is quickly becoming the Harvey Weinstein of venture capital. ‘Oh, you wanna build an AI company, then lock the door behind you when you come in’. 

But a16z isn’t the only firm that’s employing creative new tactics to bribe startup founders into taking their money. 

I’m excited to announce that Jabroni Capital has purchased 100,000 containers of cool mint Zyn & 40,000 bottles of Adderall. We’ve finally cornered the market on the two things AI (autistic intelligent) founders need. 

AI Startup Raises $130M

This week 25 year old startup founder George Sivulka with ‘no direct business experience’ raised $130M for his AI startup Hebbia. - TechCrunch

I have a confession to make. For the last 30 years, Jabroni Capital has run an experimental lab underneath Stanford University to raise the ultimate startup founder. Our goal was to craft a founder who had the perfect hot to autistic ratio. 

George Sivulka, of Hebbia is our first successful creation. His lab name was Hebbia12.

Unfortunately Hebbia 1-11 did not meet the autistic to hot threshold (they couldn’t make eye contact), and were sadly ‘put down’.

Memes

This is literally the only cool thing Altman has ever done.

Wait, I legitimately thought Jordan Peele was president of the U.S. from 2012-2016.

friday.beers

View more on Instagram

This guy deserves the father of the year award.

Song of the Day

Here’s the song of the day. I listen to this when I wake up from a bender but somehow don’t have a hangover.

Newsletter Feedback

We want referrals. I’d love your feedback on what we can do to get you to refer Jabroni Capital :)

(shout out to Japinder Singh who shared the newsletter on LinkedIn this week & got us more referrals than ever before)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital