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Good morning LPs,
If another person asks me where I stand on the debate of whether or not Elon Musk is an American hero or Nazi, I’m going to attempt to launch myself into space. My grandfather always told me that having a political opinion was for poor people. I do however support lighting Tesla’s on fire, but only if it’s for a good reason. Like showing people that you can get away with throwing $100k in the garbage.
Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.
Hard and Fast News
fake headlines, real news
The JFK files were finally released, the CIA claims the documents are “mind blowing”. (NYT)
Trump deports returning astronauts back to the Space Station. “We have laws here, people! They should have come through a legal border crossing.” (Wired)
A Tesla facility in Las Vegas was shot at and lit on fire, police are reportedly looking for “a 6 foot 2 woman with a beard”. (CNN)
An Australian made history by living 105 days with a titanium heart. Bryan Johnson heard the news and is investigating how to install a titanium penis. (Smithsonian)
Rippling vs Deel
Rippling sued @deel today. Our lawsuit alleges Deel cultivated a spy at Rippling & orchestrated a long-running trade-secret theft. The spy searched “deel” in our systems 23 times per day on avg, letting him spy on Deel’s own customers who were considering a switch to Rippling.
— Parker Conrad (@parkerconrad)
12:42 PM • Mar 17, 2025
On Monday, Parker Conrad, CEO of the $13B payroll startup Rippling announced a lawsuit against their primary competitor, Deel, alleging that Deel engaged in corporate espionage by planting a mole at Rippling.
This is James Bond but for tech dorks. Except James is a 5 foot 6 fat guy who instead of having a license to kill, has a restraining order with the girl apartment 3B. Deel sought him out to be a spy because his qualifications were perfect. He’s used to breaking into places he’s not supposed to be (apartment 3B) and obtaining secret materials he’s not supposed to have (his neighbors' panties).
Now that the perpetrator has been caught it’s time for Rippling to change the locks and install a security system.
Rippling reportedly caught the mole by setting up a honeypot, but instead of using the normal 5 foot 10 Russian model, they set up a scandalous slack channel with busty PDF files that he couldn’t help but penetrate.
When caught and asked to hand over his phone, the mole reportedly fled to the bathroom just like a 14 year old who’s caught in the bathroom when his mom knocks. He desperately tried to delete all the evidence and like any rational 14 year old, he bit down on his MI6 issued suicide pill and threw his phone in the toilet before he got caught.
Newsflash Mr. Panty Bandit, it’s 2025. Phone’s are waterproof and all your fucking data is in the cloud (which I learned the hard way after uploading a Terabyte of “fun videos” to my families iCloud, sorry grandma).
The last James Bond movie I saw, Quantum Solace, sucked ass. But at least that movie had boobs, hot guys, and action sequences. But this latest one, Payroll Royale, is not going over well with the critics.
Make Sure Your Emails Don’t Go To Spam
A couple weeks ago we got thousands of new subscribers in the span of 48 hours and were terrified our email domain would get blocked and sent to spam.
Instead of doing what I normally do when I have a problem (weep into a pillow), I reached out to my friends at Senders.
Senders does domain health testing, troubleshooting and even helps cold emailers scale up without hitting spam.
If you have a business that relies on email, having bad email deliverability could mean the difference between buying a Ferrari or living in a dumpster.
So if you want help making sure your domain is in good health or want to scale up your email outbound, check out Senders through the link below.
P.S. they didn’t even pay me for this ad, they were literally just so fucking helpful I felt obligated to promote their business. Also I kinda have a crush on their CEO Benny, but don’t tell him that.
Memes
This is the first thing I’m doing when I get to hell.
How else do people expect me to hire so many unpaid interns??
No one will love you like the person you build B2B saas with <3
Song of the Day
A friend of mine once said, “that’s like the 90s version of love on the spectrum”. For whatever reason I thought that was hilarious and it inspired me to make a playlist called, 90s love on the spectrum. Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer is the first track on it because it might be the most quintessential 90s love song of all time.
I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)
How was the newsletter today? |
That’s all for this week folks,
Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital
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