Meta Rebrands Again

Good morning LPs,

I hope you enjoyed the holidays. I’m sorry for the lack of the newsletters the last few weeks. The Starlink on my yacht broke and I was unable to provide commentary. Thankfully I found an easter egg on X. If you send Elon 400 unsolicited dick pics you instantly rise to the top of his inbox and my Starlink is now fixed.

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard & Fast News

Real news, fake headlines.

• Justin Trudeau announces his resignation amidst rumors he will play Black Panther in the next marvel movie (CNN)

• Trump signals interest in buying Greenland and turning into a “tremendous golf course” (AP)

• A wildfire is burning through Los Angeles, resident’s claim the fire is still not as devastating as Joker 2 (Washington Post)

• Meta adds Dana white to board, stating “in exchange for teaching Dana to use his computer, he will teach me how to have sex” (Meta)

• Joe Biden becomes the first corpse to hand out the presidential medal of freedom (Whitehouse)

Meta Updates Content Moderation Policy

Yesterday Mark Zuckerberg (aka censorship czar) decided that censorship is gay and he would update their policies to allow free speech and use community notes instead of banning content creators. 

^{Community note: In this context gay does not refer to homosexuality. Obviously homosexuality is fucking dope. Being able to fully express yourself, get ripped, marry a hot guy (or GIRL), and have dual income with no kids is sweet. Jabroni Capital treasures America’s sacred gays.}

Now let’s break down the 5 key updates to Meta’s content moderation. 

1. Replace fact checkers with community notes 

Rather than buying 1 million Nvidia Quadro graphics cards and running LLMs to ban content, Zuckerberg realized they could moderate content for free by having unemployed losers doing nothing at 2pm moderate for them. This saves Meta billions. 

2. Simplify content policies 

For the last 8 years you had to pretend that Caitlyn Jenner looks hot and that 12 million illegal immigrants didn’t cross the border. Now Facebook will allow your crazy uncle with 3 followers to write diatribes on Muslims because Meta realized no one was gonna read his shit anyway. 

3. New approach to policy enforcement 

Instead of banning some guy who says retard on Instagram, they’re gonna focus on addressing the pedophiles and terrorists plaguing their platforms. 

4. Bringing back civic content 

Previously you weren’t allowed to discuss politics on Meta platforms because they didn’t want someone with purple hair to have an anxiety attack. (It definitely wasn’t because the federal government was secretly forcing social media platforms to bend to their will.)

5. Moving their trust and safety content moderation teams 

Meta is moving all of their moderation teams from California to Texas. If you make $230k but your political ideologies won’t let you relocate to Texas, you were definitely part of the problem.

Memes

jabronicap

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If you do this, your company is guaranteed to raise money.

corporate.sween

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My unpaid interns give me this look everyday.

mytechceo

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I’ve written investor updates in worse places.

updatingshow

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I went on a live dating show and shockingly the crowd hated me. If you really want to make fun of me, you can watch the full thing on YouTube.

Song of the Day

This song sounds like it was literally made in 1994, but was released a few months ago. For any of readers who wish they were back in the 90s, give it a listen.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital