Make Weed Illegal Again

Good afternoon LPs,

If you’re anything like me, you spent this weekend drinking and reading insane tweets about the most recent Epstein files. I was tempted to write about this topic, but I decided it would be best to wait until more information is disclosed (and until the picture of Trump blowing Bill Clinton actually surfaces). Fingers crossed that happens soon.

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Peter Thiel sells off all NVIDIA holdings. “The Palantir surveillance system allowed us to positively identify Jensen Huang as the antichrist. I can’t support someone like that,” explained Thiel in an interview. (The Street)

Trump changes stance and urges release of Epstein files. “After the whole situation with Bill blew up this weekend, I figured as head of state I should be more transparent,” announced Trump in a Truth Social post. (The Hill)

Wall Street doesn’t care about the potential AI bubble after trillions in bonds issued by AI companies. “If there is a bubble and it pops, we’ll just use Klarna’s ‘buy now - pay later’ to get out of debt,” said JP Morgan Jamie Dimon. (WSJ)

Trump Cracks Down on Weed

Last week, Trump and GOP politicians pushed a bill that would ban the production of hemp products with greater than .4mg of THC per container. For those of you who weren’t cool in high school, hemp is another name for marijuana - but the plant can be used for a variety of purposes other than getting smacked and eating Popeyes. 

Opposing politicians like Rand Paul argued that the bill will kill hundreds of thousands of jobs and infringe on millions of Americans’ right to get fucked up on weird gas station weed products. 

So what’s the background here? 

For a bit of clarity, hemp and marijuana typically differ in their THC quantity. Hemp is not bred to be high in THC since it’s mostly used for textiles, medicine, and other manufacturing. Traditional marijuana, on the other hand, is bred to get you high as shit and therefore has a lot of THC. 

So, why are politicians opposed to hemp? 

Well, in 2018, the federal government passed the farm bill, which allowed for the cultivation of hemp for agricultural purposes. But then a bunch of hippie scientists began using low THC hemp to manufacture psychoactive products with extremely high THC content (like Delta-8, THCP, and Delta-10). 

The problem is that these products were made with hemp, which could be sold by your local gas station. So now your 14-year-old who’s already failing algebra can get smacked on 10 mg gummies without showing an ID. 

This is a nuanced issue. In 2018, the government did a good and a bad thing. 

1) Allowing people to responsibly use hemp to make products is good. 

2) Creating a loophole to let evil hippies create unregulated gas station bullshit is bad. 

I don’t like to see the government hurt real businesses because they fucked up and made a loophole. That being said, as a former pothead, the rampant overuse of weed in America concerns me. 

If it’s socially acceptable to get hammered at a disgusting Irish bar, then it should be fine to smoke weed. That being said, if I were starting the day with a shot of tequila and a beer, my family would send me to rehab.

Alcohol is definitely more deadly and detrimental to your health than weed. But if you’re anything like my friend Tyler, and say that weed makes you a better driver and better at your job, you’re probably lying to yourself. 

I get it, Seth Rogen and Snoop Dogg are mega successful and smoke every day. But my friend Tyler has been making 9/11 conspiracy theory videos in his basement for 10 years and isn’t one step closer to creating Pineapple Express 2.

As a staunch believer in people’s right to make their own decisions, I think the government should let people do what they want. If they want to get high here and there or get a beer after work, have at it. But we shouldn’t lie to ourselves, saying that weed is a miracle drug with no issues. As my mom always said to me, “Everything is fine in moderation”. (She was talking to me as a fat teenager eating ice cream every day, but you get the point.)

I understand the need for some governmental oversight on products that can cause harm. It’s probably a good idea not to let kids slam Four Loko’s from their local bodega. It’s also probably a good idea not to let kids buy loophole weed gummies at a Kum & Go (gas station named after what I do with your Mom). But at the same time, don’t fuck over the good actors because of the bad actors. 

As I wrap this up, I want to make something clear: I don’t know how the government or laws work (I was too busy getting high in high school and missed class). But I feel like there should be a way to crack down on demon hippies selling synthetic weed products that don’t hurt real businesses. I don't know what we should do, maybe we take a page out of Singapore's book and just cut Hippies’ heads off if they break the rules. But the point is, I’m open to any new and creative ideas. 

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital, I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

Be broke and save the world, or be rich and selfish? The choice is obvious.

I make my employees watch this when they get hired.

This is my financial advisor.

Song of the Day

If you’re a long-time follower of the newsletter, then you know I’m a massive Freddie Gibbs fan. To me, he feels like one of the last true rappers who’s very talented at the fundamentals and consistently puts out good music. This is one of my favorite of his songs, which was sadly taken off Spotify. If you appreciate rap, give it a listen.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital