Injecting Capital

Good afternoon LPs,

I know we joke around in this newsletter, but I want to take a moment to discuss something serious. This weekend we lost a soldier, Peanut the squirrel. Peanut videos were the only non-disgraceful thing I watched after 11pm.

Just like Peanut, I too have been persecuted. A couple years ago the FBI wrongfully raided my Malibu home after I accepted money from an Iranian “family office”. That Islamophobic raid was a disgrace, second only to the wrongful persecution of Peanut the squirrel.

But most importantly, now that Peanut is gone I’m left wondering who I’m going to vote for in tomorrow’s election.

Anyway, let’s get into the rest of the newsletter.

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The Holy Trinity of Tech

The other week a clip from a German TV show went viral for depicting billionaire Peter Thiel in a James Bond like music video. 

You might not know this, but I’ve always wanted to adopt a child and raise them to be the next Peter Thiel. But apparently walking into an orphanage and asking to see their gayest kids is “offensive”. 

Before any of you get mad at me for saying that, I want to set the record straight (no pun intended). 

I just want what’s best for my children. Reality is, homosexual couples have higher household incomes than straight couples.

And in case you haven’t noticed, The Holy Trinity of silicon valley is gay. Tim Cook is the father, Sam Altman is the son, and Peter Thiel is the holy spirit funding them all. 

I wanted the holy spirit to enter Jabroni Capital and inject his capital into us, but sadly I haven’t had any luck. Instead I had to go with a Chinese billionaire whose capital was much smaller. 

Based on my readers' search history I’m sure this is disappointing, but remember it’s not about the size of your capital, it’s about how you use it.

Memes

jabronicap

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Come back and try again when you don’t have a real business.

mytechceo

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This is the 2024 version of throwing all of your companies remaining money into Dogecoin.

jabronicap

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Getting me and my buddies matching outfits like this.

Song of the Day

The other day I was in the gym and I randomly remembered the time my cousin Ryan and I spent 3 hours trying to master Surrender on Guitar Hero. I’ve been re-listening to it non-stop the last 3 days.

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That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital