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Death of a Consultant
Consulting firms are worried they may get fired from government contracts
Jack Kuveke
March 17, 2025
Good afternoon LPs,
I’ve been in Florida the past week. I love this state, because everyone (at least in the cool parts like Miami) is exorbitantly rich, claims to work, but doesn’t do anything. Needless to say, I fit right in.
Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.
Hard and Fast News
Fake headlines, real news
YC founders are raising less money from VCs after realizing startups are supposed to actually make money (Techcrunch)
Trump poses with newly bought Tesla at The White House stating, “I bought one of those gay-mobiles to support America’s favorite autist” (CNN)
The Department of Education slashed 50% of staff and has hired Alex Jones to film a educational children's program (NYT)
Despite economic woes, inflation has dropped to 2.8% because consumers are using Grok for porn instead of paying for OnlyFans (New York Post)
Consulting Firms are at Risk
Over the past 2 weeks numerous articles have come out that consulting firms like Deloitte, Booze Allen, and Accenture are terrified of DOGE firing them from their government contracts.
From 2019-2022 the U.S. government paid consulting firms more than $500B to build power points and respond to emails every 7-10 business days.
To illustrate why consultants are so scared of losing their funding, I did the only thing that made sense: I built a power point.
Growing up my grandfather always told me there were 3 groups of people who made millions doing nothing. Engineers, consultants, and Jews (the last one I personally disagree with, but he was born in 30s).
As we all know, top consulting firms hire from only the most elite schools in the country (coincidentally elite schools like Columbia, also have a problem with the Jews, again I think that’s bad). Most people who go to Ivy Leagues aspire to become Lawyers, doctors, and engineers who provide value to society.
But approximately 32% of all Ivy league grads are directionless bums who have no idea what to do themselves. These vulnerable lost souls are preyed upon by firms like McKinsey and Bain who get them to work 100 hours a week making trivial slide shows for weapons manufacturers and North Korea’s “Humane Society”.
Consultants specialize in one thing: misdirection through eloquently phrased buzzwords. They tell clients they’re going to “optimize efficiency through strategically streamlining synergies, using multi-channel collaboration”. Their clients have no idea what this means, and thus pay their insane fees.
Consultants are like fall guys that fats mobsters hire while eating mid Spaghetti. You pay them to whack someone in a dark alley, knowing full well that there’s a camera that will catch their shotty hit job. Then when they fuck up, you blame them instead of taking responsibility yourself. For real, how do you expect a 25 year Adderall addicted frat bro to solve a vape companies pre-teen marketing scandal?
Because of the prevalence AI and $10/hour virtual assistants in Asia consulting as we know it may die out. That’s why I’m grateful to be a VC, because at least we don’t over pay 25 year old’s with no experience to evaluate companies they know nothing about.
Raise 2M+ From Your Customers
What if you could raise money for your startup while going viral and getting thousands of new customers?
I know what you’re thinking, Jack, “that’s crazier than the time you tried to slide into Kim Kardashian's DMs”. But hear me out.
In 2024 Tyler Denk, CEO of Beehiiv, raised $1.1M in 2 hours from his users and generated millions of impressions and got thousands of new customers.
But most founders have no idea how to pull this off.
That’s why I’m co-hosting a webinar with Tyler to teach founders how to raise 2M+ from their customers in a community round.
If you want to learn how to raise millions from your customers, come hang with Tyler and I as he shares his secrets behind Beehiiv’s community round:
Memes
80% of the reason you start a company is to change your LinkedIn bio.
.00005% per employee is generous
It’s rough out their for engineers right now.
Song of the Day
I had a few friends come stay with me while I dog sit down in Florida. This past weekend, they forced me to go out and party in Naples. For those that don’t know, Naples is basically the land of rich old people and bartenders with thigh tattoos. So the prospect of going out on St. Patty’s weekend down here gave me more anxiety than when BTC crashed 10k in a day. Thankfully, we had a hilarious night that ended up with us in a hot tub at 5am listening to this early 2000s classic pop rock song.
Here’s a collage of photos from our Naples party night featuring, my buddy Tristan, my photographer friend Dave, and my business partner Will. I’m happy to report that all of us still have our limbs and don’t have herpes.
I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)
How was the newsletter today? |
That’s all for this week folks,
Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital
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