Billionaire Antichrist

Good afternoon LPs,

What a weekend. Trump is attempting to end the Israel/Palestine conflict, there’s a massive manhunt going on in Idaho, and Peter Thiel revealed to the world he might be a literal demon. When the news cycle is this fucking insane it’s hard to pick a topic to talk about… but I think the title gives away where landed.

Anyway let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

‘Big Beautiful Bill’ still under debate in the Senate. “Normally things that are big aren’t beautiful, just look at Rosie O'Donnell, but this is the exception” says Trump at a press conference. (CNN)

Gavin Newsom sues Fox News in a $787 million defamation case. “Sorry I’m late, I stepped in shit and got some needles stuck in my ankle on the walk over here” quotes Newsom after arriving for a meeting in San Francisco. (ABC)

Supreme Court agrees to hear major campaign finance challenge. “Can people start doing crazy stuff again? These cases recently are simply just not entertaining.” (NY Times)

New York teen discovers friendly fire toggled on after being shot in head by criminal accomplice near Stonewall during NYC pride. (ABC NY)

“Nobody is allowed to have more money than my incredibly rich mother.” Zohran Madmani says to crowd of broke millennials. “50 million is just enough to get by, you can trust me because I have it.” (BBC)

Peter Thiel’s NYT Interview

Last Thursday the New York Times released an extensive interview with billionaire tech investor Peter Thiel and the clips have been going viral. For those that don’t know Peter Thiel, he is essentially the venture capital Lex Luther of our generation. 

Some quick facts about Thiel: 

• He got rich by co-founding PayPal

• Nearly died in a car crash with Elon Musk (in a $21M car btw)

• Injects himself with young people’s blood 

• Is one of the 3 deeply religious, gay conservatives on the planet 

• Loves funding weapons companies and AI startups that replace cheap Mexican labor 

Obviously I would love to get dinner with someone this batshit crazy, but if I left my kid alone with Thiel I’d hope someone would call child protective services. 

Now that you have some context on who Peter Thiel is, we can get into this fever dream like the interview he did with the New York Times. 

For those that have real jobs and don’t have time to listen to a billionaire ramble for 2 hours here’s the summary. 

Peter Thiel basically suggests that the antichrist is real - but rather than being a handsome demon that fucks your wife and kills babies or whatever - it’s a global authoritarian system that uses fear to centralize control. Now I know what you’re thinking, “what the fuck, did I just read”. And that’s fair, because this is some wacky shit. Let me try and help. 

Thiel argues that real technological innovation stopped in the 1970s (right after we got to the moon in 69’) and that the hippies won. In his view, the hippies were scared of nuclear war, climate change, pollution, etc and forced the government to heavily regulate industries so they can no longer innovate. 

His argument then says without innovation humans stop believing in the future, which leads to despair, and then leads people to trade peace/safety for freedom. For example, the only real things we’re innovating on are weapons technology and AI - which are scary to everyone so they’ll let the government become authoritarian to regulate these things and keep them safe. 

Now what’s really funny about all of this, is that Peter Thiel is coming up with these theories sitting on a 225 foot mega-yacht which he bought with money he made on his two biggest investment categories: weapons and AI. 

Luckily this New York Times reporter isn’t as retarded as a lot of his peers, and immediately picked up on this and challenged Thiel. In short he asked him, “if you think antichrist would use scary technology to impose world order, why the fuck would you cofound Palantir and only invest in AI”. At this point you can watch Peter’s brain melt out of his ears as he realizes he’s personally throwing a layup for the antichrist to dunk and shatter the backboard. 

Peter didn’t really have a good answer for this and is probably gonna have to go back on his yacht to think things over for a while. 

In the meantime the Jabroni Capital team will be waiting patiently to see what crazy shit he says in his next interview. 

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

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This was fun to make, but there’s a couple things I’d change next time.

This is still excellent.

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Good luck trying to find me.

Song of the Day

I spent the weekend in the Hamptons and this was my favorite new song I discovered. If you like classic rock, it reminds me of the super band Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. I miss the age of guitar solos, this song has one of my favorite’s I’ve ever heard. Give it a listen.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital