Autism Alert

Good morning LPs,

We’re exploring a video series where we review and roast startup pitch decks. If you have a startup and want us to poke fun at it (while giving actual advice), submit your deck here.

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Trump threatens mass firings if the government shuts down, saying, “good luck insider trading if you’re not working on The Senate Commerce Committee” (CNN)

YCombinator now allows college students to defer admittance so they can graduate. “25% of all YC college-age acceptance are now homeless & degreeless, so we kinda feel bad”. (Techcrunch)

Palantir lands contract with Boeing to allow them to spy on Americans via both land and air. CEO Alex Karp said, "There’s nowhere you can hide”. (The Street)

Trump Links Autism to Tylenol

On Monday, September 22nd, President Donald Trump and the U.S. Health Secretary with the fucked up voice, claimed that use of Tylenol during pregnancy is linked to Autism. 

In response, millions of Chinese parents began taking high levels of the drug to increase their child’s chance of getting into a Stanford robotics PHD program. 

Personally, I dodged a bullet; my mom stayed away from Tylenol during pregnancy because you’re not supposed to take the drug while drinking. 

For those of you judging my mom, you need to understand something. My twin brother and I are the youngest of 4 brothers, and she had to drink to get through pregnancy with us because she was already dealing with 2 autistic sons. Thanks, Tylenol. 

To be honest, I’m very skeptical of all these autism claims. The average 5-year-old boy displays all of the symptoms of an autist. 

• Obsessed with trains, trucks, and dinosaurs

• Bad at making eye contact with women

• Constant spaz attacks and temper tantrums 

• Hates reading unless it’s about trains

And if you think about it, is it really that more kids are autistic, or are we just diagnosing them more? My friend's dad once told me, “Back in my day, you could only be 2 things: retarded or normal”. (He actually said this to me)

That’s not exactly a medical diagnosis… The point is, parents weren’t going to mental health professionals; they would just tell their friends at dinner, “That’s Jimmy, and he’s special”. 

Full disclosure, I haven’t really dug into the research on either side (since it’s not about trains). But it’s hard to take Donald Trump's medical advice seriously when he famously recommended drinking bleach to stop COVID. 

On the flip side, I am sympathetic to people not trusting the medical industry. They’ve lied to people for years and pushed shitty medications just to make a buck. 

I can’t believe I have to say this again, but this issue is nuanced. Is every medical company producing bad medications? No. Is every cop trying to shoot you in the face? Not if your name is Brad. Is every VC trying to screw your company over? Maybe. But whatever, you get the point. 

The good news is, regardless of whether these claims are true or not, I can’t get pregnant. And because of the contracts every woman I’ve ever slept with has to sign, I also don’t have to pay child support. So at least I can be sure this is one problem that is not affecting me.

Invest in a not-stupid Crypto Project

Time for a shameless plug

My friends Nathan and Val built Manifest, perhaps the only crypto startup that I actually believe in and isn’t a scam. They enable investors worldwide to invest in American real estate through an asset-backed crypto token.

I met these guys 2.5 years ago, before they had raised a single dollar and were attempting to build this startup in the worst crypto market ever. Since then, they’ve raised millions backed by some of the biggest crypto & real estate funds in the world.

Now they’re raising money for their token launch, and they have some allocation for Jabroni’s who might be interested. Here are the details:

• Issuing an asset-backed token that makes American real estate globally accessible (Yes, it’s crypto, but it actually makes sense. See: Circle IPO)

• Oboarding the initial capital into the fund (Reg. S)

• VanEck ($130B AUM) is anchoring the vehicle

• They have a modest allocation available for Jabronis. (Min check $500k; sorry no poor people)

If you’re interested in learning more about the deal, email [email protected]. (P.S. this isn’t a paid promo, I just love & believe in these dudes)

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital, I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

This is perfect for today’s theme.

jabronicap

36K followers

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You can run AI, but you can’t hide.

the.swiss.chris

273K followers

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This is a totally reasonable purchase.

Song of the Day

I keep adding this song to playlists, so I figured it was time to add it to this one. Is it complex? Not really. Is it easy on the ears? Definitely, go for a walk and give it a listen.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital