AI Slop

Good afternoon LPs,

It’s been a long time since our last newsletter, and I’m sure my absence likely invoked memories of your father's 18-year trip to get milk and cigarettes. And to that I’ll say, I’m sorry, but these Marlboro Reds weren’t going to buy themselves.

Anyway, let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

U.S. seizes Iranian cargo ship in blockade of Strait of Hormuz. “We are starting to get suspicious that the Americans and Iranians may be using their militaries as alternatives to “EZ-toll” for world shipping routes,” commented an analyst at the World Bank. (NPR)

Trump admin launches tariff refund system as first step in paying back billions. “I’m not saying that we’re going to make it impossible to navigate with a bunch of forms so that you can’t get it, but it might end up like that,” said the President (The Guardian)

Police arrested a man who replaced $34,000 worth of Legos with pasta in a return scheme. “When durum wheat semolina pasta makes the same rattle as the most painful thing to accidentally step on, it’s hard to catch on. Fortunately, our officers are the finest,” said the Sheriff in an interview. (CTV)

AI Is Destroying Your Brain

It’s been 4 years since ChatGPT was released, and society is finally accepting the reality that it's making people dumb as shit. When it first came out, everyone was jazzed that AI could fix an Excel pivot table in seconds. Who wasn’t excited that they no longer had to spend 30 minutes deciphering an Indian guy’s thick accent on YouTube just to learn PowerPoint?

The problem is that people went from asking ChatGPT, “Who was Rome’s 5th emperor and what were their major accomplishments?” to “Utilize this data to write a report on the macroeconomic trends of the EV charging industry that can be delivered to partners at McKinsey”. 

Your first instinct might be to upload that paragraph to ChatGPT to understand the difference between those two prompts, but instead, let me use my brain to explain. In the first prompt, you’re saving yourself time by quickly gathering information so you can write a 5-paragraph essay on Rome. The second prompt is that you are outsourcing your job and critical thinking to an AI model that isn’t actually capable of thinking. 

It would be easy to blame AI for humans' avoidance of critical thinking, but this has been going on since the dawn of humanity. 

In the 1990s, you would pay a dork to write your essay so you could spend more time smoking weed under the bleachers. In the 2010s, instead of reading To Kill a Mockingbird, you’d SparkNote the whole thing and write the same dogshit essay as 50% of your class (who also SparkNoted it). But in 2026, ChatGPT is like sparnotes on crack. You don’t even have to read the synopsis and half-ass a C minus paper; you can have AI do the whole thing for you. 

Even the biggest companies in the world are falling into this trap. In 2 years, the use of the sentence structure, “It’s not just a , it’s a ” has doubled. I’m sure all of you have seen this exact wording in LinkedIn posts and internal company documents. (If I see you do this, I will hate you)

So why the hell is this happening? Because the world runs on incentives, and if people aren’t incentivized to use their brains, they won’t. If you want to be good at writing, math, or physics, you have to be disciplined. There’s no way to reach an expert level at anything without repetition and boring work. But if you can half-ass college using AI and get a job at Deloitte making $125k/year without learning anything, why would you apply effort? 

99% of the time, people apply themselves for 2 reasons:

1. Survival 

2. Ego

People got really good at hunting, so they didn’t starve. Kobe Bryant got really good at basketball because he had a massive ego. 

We’ve solved survival, so the only thing motivating you is pride. If you suck ass at putting together a sentence, you need to read books and practice writing. If you don’t remember basic math, you need to practice your times tables. You can leverage AI to speed up the learning process, but if you rely on it before you’ve mastered the basics of anything, you’re going to become useless. 

If you need some motivation to start trying, remember this: there is a 7-year-old in China who’s better than you at everything. And if you start putting in some god damn effort, we’re going to be working in a rice paddy in 20 years.

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital, I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

This is what my European friend thinks of America.

I thought spending $300k/month on Claude tokens was a good thing?

I wish I could hire a North Korean spy to work at my company.

Song of the Day

Whenever it gets closer to summer, I start cranking rock. This has been my favorite classic rock throwback recently. If you forgot about it, you’re welcome.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week, folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital