AI Bankruptcy

Good afternoon LPs,

I was in Italy and France last week which is why you didn’t receive any newsletters. Unlike some try-hards I have a strict “no work” policy when I’m on vacation. For the past 8 days I didn’t go on social media, I didn’t respond to emails, and I didn’t talk to my clients. Instead I stared at the mountains and the streets of Paris while drinking wine. It was divine. Unfortunately now I have to go back to work because I’m not

Anyway let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

New York Tech week begins “95% of startups here are pre-revenue and 100% of founders are virgins” says Chair NY Tech Week (TechWeek)

Wall Street coins term TACO “Trump Always Chickens Out”. Trump responds by making his own acronym for Wall Street execs “RETARDS”.(ABC)

Pentagon launches defense tech accelerator for college students. “Test it on the Palestine protesters” says Pentagon chairman (Business Insider)

Elon shows off black eye at Trump press conference. “He just lost his temper, he’s not usually like this” says Elon. (NYT)

Builder AI Declares Bankruptcy

Earlier this week news broke that the Indian based unicorn startup Builder.AI had declared bankruptcy. For years the company was considered a top startup that used cutting edge AI to build people’s apps for them. They were a silicon valley darling that received over $450M in investment from Microsoft, the Qatar Wealth Fund, and Jabroni Capital. You know things are going well when the same 3 firms that are funding Hamas are funding your AI startup. 

Unfortunately Builder.AI has imploded after people found out that they were faking revenue, and instead of using AI they were building apps using 700 Indian guys locked in a basement. 

As one of their lead investors Jabroni Capital wants to go on the record and say that we had NO IDEA they were faking revenue. For the sake of transparency we did in fact know that they were not using AI (artificial intelligence), and instead they were using AI (Autistic Indians). In our defense we never said what AI stood for. It could mean lots of things, everyone just assumed it meant artificial intelligence. That’s on you, not us. 

Jabroni Capital is just as upset about this scandal as everyone else. Portfolio companies have an obligation to be transparent with their investors about how much money they are making. If the Builder AI team had come to us we could have helped - by lying for them. Jabroni Capital doesn’t have an obligation to anyone. Venture capital is built on a foundation of lying. 

We tell people that we know what we’re talking about. That we understand technology. That we have a team of top analysts performing due diligence. Obviously none of this is true. But that’s not the point of VC. Our job is to invest in things rich people are scared of. You give me $100M so that when it inevitably goes to zero, you can tell your wife it’s not your fault. I have no problem throwing $100M into a scam like Builder.AI because it’s not my money. My money is tied up in index funds earning a crisp 10% YoY. 

So what’s the moral of the story? It’s not that lying is bad. It’s that the WRONG people lying is bad. When you get arrested for a DUI after celebrating Cinco De Drinko you keep your mouth shut, and hire someone whose job is to lie for you. This is a message to all my portfolio companies. If you have a scandal, give us a call before you make a mistake.

My buddy Jason and I tried to land jobs at big tech companies. It didn’t go as well as we expected. Watch us try and fail to make $400k/year at google here:

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter.

Memes

jabronicap

18K followers

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Half of all startups in San Francisco are about to go bankrupt.

hoodtubes

184K followers

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This is honestly a pretty good idea.

Song of the Day

I rented a car in Italy this past week and during the 3.5 hour drive I found myself listening to this song 3-4 times. There was something about listening to it as I drove past mountains with snow covered peaks and rolling fields of grapes. Arlo Parks just knows how to pair great lyrics with great instrumentals.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital