Adam Neumann Strikes Back

Good afternoon LPs,

I went watch shopping this weekend because there’s no way for me to feel like myself unless I’m wearing something worth more than a Toyota Camry. My favorite part of the experience was when I was sitting across from a Augmet Piguet dealer looking at watches I couldn’t possibly afford. She asked what industry I worked in and I said, “media”, to which she responded, “oh that’s surprising, we don’t get many folks from that industry buying our watches”. Which was a funny and subtle way for her to say, “what are you, poor?”.

Anyway let’s get into today’s newsletter.

Hard and Fast News

fake headlines, real news

Autistic people claim that AI is helping them understand other people’s emotions, more than train documentaries ever have. (Washington Post)

Parents regret telling their teen, “you can light the world on fire” after he caused the “largest forest fire” in New Jersey history. (ABC)

Brazilians stop playing beach soccer to deal with unstable democracy (The Economist)

Adam Neumann Doubles Valuation of His New Startup

Last Friday news broke that Adam Neumann had raised $100M+ and doubled the valuation ($2.5B) of his real estate startup Flow. 

A lot of people have given investors like a16z flack for throwing $300M at Neumann, when they could have invested in 100 other up-and-coming entrepreneurs. But in the words of the non-controversial and wise Kanye West, “one good girl is worth 1000 bitches”.

a16z isn’t investing in ideas, they’re investing in vision. And no one has a greater vision than Adam. 

Let’s go over some facts. In 2019 the WSJ reported that Neumann stated that his aspirations were: 

• To live forever

• Become the world's first trillionaire

• Expand WeWork to the planet Mars

• Become Israel's prime minister

• Become "president of the world"

Awesome. 

Now let’s compare that to the vision to a standard seed stage founder that’s trying to raise $3M. 

• Get out of their moms basement 

• Lose their virginity 

• Hire a sales guy (talking to people is scary)

• Make more money than a garbage man 

• Become nutrient un-deficient

• Get their dad to say, “I’m proud of you” (unlikely)

It doesn’t matter that Adam isn’t even close to any of his goals. The fact that he aspires to ANY of these means he’s worth $300M in throw away money. And thrown away that money will be. 

Adam Neumann is like the bad boy that your sister continues to date. You pretend not to understand why, but it’s obvious. Should she probably date a nice guy, with a good job, who will stroke her hair in missionary position? Duh, but he doesn’t give me a boner either. 

Instead she’s dating Kyle who lives in a van, drives a motorcycle, and hasn’t had a real job in 10 years. But he thinks he’s the next Kurt Cobain. Sure Kurt Cobain killed himself at 27 as the hottest rockstar of all time, and this guy’s 38 and doesn’t have anything to show for himself other than a neck tattoo. But he’s got vision. 

Investors are just like your sister. On the outside they claim they want to invest in a responsible, humble, and hardworking entrepreneur who's guaranteed to get them a return. 

But in reality Marc Andreessen wants Adam to grab his non-existent hair and push him up against a wall. It’s not a safe investment, but it’s guaranteed to be a wild ride.

If you refer 5 people to Jabroni Capital I’ll write you an unhinged LinkedIn recommendation and feature it in the newsletter. Shout to Rachel & Evan for referring the most subs last week!

Memes

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This has become a weekly occurrence.

If you listen to this woman, you’re going to jail.

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It’s time for you to break free from the Matrix.

Song of the Day

Given all the dating a bad boy analogies, I thought today’s song of the day should be this one from Dan Croll. The thought of Adam Neumann and Marc Andreessen listening to this song together in drop-top convertible gives me unbelievable joy.

Listen to the full Jabroni Capital playlist here.

Newsletter Feedback

I’d love your feedback on what sort of content you’d like to see or how you think I could improve :)

That’s all for this week folks,

Jack Kuveke (J.K.) | GP @ Jabroni Capital